The OLD you. We were best friends, I thought it could stay that way. I thought I could see if you changed. But I didn't (notice) and you did (change) and now it's different. It's like falling. You look back and you suddenly realize that you're in a different place than you're supposed to be. You crossed that stupid bridge again. Extenuating circumstances, that's what it is. I was reading our old messages, and it hit me. You aren't anybody I recognize anymore. You're a stranger. I know you, but that intense connection we've always had is gone, and I'm left grasping at straws. I guess it's my fault. I guess I crossed that line one too many times, and you got sick and tired of it. I should really just leave you alone so you can be your new self and not have to deal with me anymore. That's what it's getting too. I get it. I'm crazy. You shouldn't have to put up with me... especially when you have such awesome people around you to give you what you need. I love you like a child loves a parent- a kind of desperate love, a dependence. But it's not enough, and I see that now. I hope you're happy, more than anything, and I hope you don't miss me. God, this deja vu is awful. Here I am, where I've dug myself a hole yet again. A very different one than the first, admittedly, but there it is.
It's so hard realizing that your best friend has moved on faster than you- even if it's your fault. It's so hard when you reach that day when you look into their eyes and you see someone you don't know. It's so hard when they aren't the first person you call with news anymore. It's so hard when you're so confused, because their lips say they're here, but their actions don't. And it's so hard when your actions mimic theirs and you end up hurting them again.
I'm on a temporary hiatus from the situation. We'll see how it goes.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
A memo to the wise.
ALRIGHT, so we wall know how weird Kara is about her personal space, right? Well, there's a telephone system here, and I figured I'd explain it all out/ rehash it for certain people who feel the need to call me 600 times a day.
If you call once, and I don't answer or call back, I'm busy. You can try again later that day- give it a few hours.
If you call twice and I don't answer or call back, I don't feel like talking to you right now. Again, give it a few hours and text or something.
If you call a third time and I don't answer or call back, I don't want to talk to you TODAY. Call back tomorrow, or if you can wait a few days, that's even better.
If you call 4 times in one day and I don't answer or call back, you have just really aggravated me that I had to hear you call that many times when I was OBVIOUSLY NOT PICKING UP. At this point don't even bother calling back. I'll let you know if and when I want to talk to you.
HOWEVER, if it's an emergency (you all know what classifies), you can call repeatedly within 5 minutes and if I can I'll usually pick up, or else call you back ASAP.
If you call 600 times in a row, and I'm in one of these situations, and it's not an emergency, I will pick up the phone, and be REALLY IRRITATED THAT YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY AND CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE WORD BUSY.
There's always a legitimate reason for me NOT answering the phone, and this system is to keep everyone happy/ understanding.
thank you that is all. <3
If you call once, and I don't answer or call back, I'm busy. You can try again later that day- give it a few hours.
If you call twice and I don't answer or call back, I don't feel like talking to you right now. Again, give it a few hours and text or something.
If you call a third time and I don't answer or call back, I don't want to talk to you TODAY. Call back tomorrow, or if you can wait a few days, that's even better.
If you call 4 times in one day and I don't answer or call back, you have just really aggravated me that I had to hear you call that many times when I was OBVIOUSLY NOT PICKING UP. At this point don't even bother calling back. I'll let you know if and when I want to talk to you.
HOWEVER, if it's an emergency (you all know what classifies), you can call repeatedly within 5 minutes and if I can I'll usually pick up, or else call you back ASAP.
If you call 600 times in a row, and I'm in one of these situations, and it's not an emergency, I will pick up the phone, and be REALLY IRRITATED THAT YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY AND CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE WORD BUSY.
There's always a legitimate reason for me NOT answering the phone, and this system is to keep everyone happy/ understanding.
thank you that is all. <3
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Today's Topic- (credit to something-fishy.org for the facts and lists)
Eating disorders. I have a very personal interest in this topic, for reasons not to be discussed, but I've felt like writing about it for a while. Not really the scientific aspect of it- most of us have a vague idea about that part of it anyway. You know, all the typical stuff: starving yourself, eating large amounts of food and throwing it up, it can kill you, etc. etc. No, what I want to talk about is the emotional aspect. I've been totally surprised when I talk to people about eating disorders. Most of them immediately conclude that the person doing it is doing it purely to lose weight, and they're totally crazy. I mean, the complete lack of understanding shocks me. I've heard people say that these people are stupid, even. So much of a joke has been made about them in the media and such that it makes people suffering seem totally narcissistic, stuck up, crazy people. OKAY, REALITY CHECK TIME. There are currently around 8 million Americans that suffer from an eating disorder. 1 in 10 of these is a male. Many people suffering from an eating disorder may not actually be underweight at all- they may be very average- looking (although this doesn't mean that their health is not in extreme danger). This is because eating disorders are not a diet fad- they're a real mental disorder. Seriously, eating disorders aren't really a problem with food. In all eating disorders, all of the focus is put on food to avoid dealing with painful thoughts or emotions. There's a few variations on this. Some people are affected because they feel like it gives them a feeling of control- like if they can't control any external circumstances, they can control what happens to their own body. If they can't control what other people do and say to them, they can control themselves. Yet another outlook is from a self-hatred standpoint. Many people who suffer from an eating disorder carry a deep self loathing. You might not see it, because they probably try to pass it off. But in this case, their eating disorder is a form of self harm, much as cutting or burning themselves is. They may feel as though they aren't good enough or can't perform up to standard- they basically feel worthless. Another variation is the release of stress or anxiety. I can't explain this one quite as well, because it's difficult for most people who don't have an eating disorder to understand. However, I'll do my best. For those with eating disorders, there's a sense of perceived calm that comes with every skipped meal, or after every purge. It's a rush of success, if you will. They feel like they've accomplished what they've set out to do, and it temporarily relieves the stress for them.
The next part of this blog is a questionnaire, if you will. It's a checklist for people with an eating disorder. This is an exceptionally accurate list- it's how they really feel. This is their life. These are the thoughts that occupy a huge majority of their mind. So if you hear about someone suffering from an eating disorder, maybe you can be a tad more sympathetic than "you're stupid." Because that kind of attitude is exactly why some people don't get help-they're afraid of ridicule.
(note: this is just the feelings portion of the survey. if you want to see the behavior and physical symptoms portions, click here: http://www.something-fishy.org/isf/questionnaire.php)
QUESTIONS:
-Are you a perfectionist, a person who always wants to be in control, an overachiever and/or do you think no matter what you do it is never enough?
-Do you find that you seek or desire acceptance and/or approval from people, and/or that you have a hard time saying "no"?
-Do you find that you are always questioning your own judgements and/or actions, and/or do you scrutinize yourself over small faults?
-Do you think you are not good enough, stupid and/or worthless or that people are always judging you in a negative way?
-Do you hide your feelings and/or opinions from people for fear of being judged negatively, and/or do you feel like a burden to others with your problems?
-Within your family and/or circle of friends are you considered "the strong one" who everyone will come to with problems, and/or you never seem to talk much about your own?
-Do you think life would be better and/or people would like you more if you were thin/thinner?
-Do you find yourself often comparing your appearance and weight to others, strangers and/or models and actors, and wishing to be as "nice looking" or as "thin" as they are?
-Do you continuously feel that you are overweight even though others have told you that you are not?
-Do family members and/or friends often express concern for your weight-loss/gain, your appearance, and/or your eating habits?
-Do you think everyone's problems are more important then your own, or do you belittle your own emotions and pain?
-Do you often feel numb or empty inside, like your life lacks fulfillment and happiness, like something is missing or there is a void inside?
-Do you feel as though you have a "conscience" or "voice" that tells you negative things about yourself, convinces you that you do not deserve to eat and/or to be happy, or that tells you that you are or deserve to be fat and ugly?
-Examining yourself and how you feel, do you believe that you may suffer from Anorexia, Bulimia or Compulsive Overeating, or any combination of the three?
-Do you suffer from bouts of depression, hopelessness, and/or lack of motivation; and/or do you find your own problems overwhelming and hard to handle?
-Are you depressed, suicidal, stressed-out, and/or fatigued; and/or do you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks, mood swings, rage and/or insomnia.
-Have you ever been diagnosed with clinical depression, attentive deficit disorder, manic depression, bipolar II disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, or dissociative identity disorder, or any other psychological/neurological illness?
The next part of this blog is a questionnaire, if you will. It's a checklist for people with an eating disorder. This is an exceptionally accurate list- it's how they really feel. This is their life. These are the thoughts that occupy a huge majority of their mind. So if you hear about someone suffering from an eating disorder, maybe you can be a tad more sympathetic than "you're stupid." Because that kind of attitude is exactly why some people don't get help-they're afraid of ridicule.
(note: this is just the feelings portion of the survey. if you want to see the behavior and physical symptoms portions, click here: http://www.something-fishy.org/isf/questionnaire.php)
QUESTIONS:
-Are you a perfectionist, a person who always wants to be in control, an overachiever and/or do you think no matter what you do it is never enough?
-Do you find that you seek or desire acceptance and/or approval from people, and/or that you have a hard time saying "no"?
-Do you find that you are always questioning your own judgements and/or actions, and/or do you scrutinize yourself over small faults?
-Do you think you are not good enough, stupid and/or worthless or that people are always judging you in a negative way?
-Do you hide your feelings and/or opinions from people for fear of being judged negatively, and/or do you feel like a burden to others with your problems?
-Within your family and/or circle of friends are you considered "the strong one" who everyone will come to with problems, and/or you never seem to talk much about your own?
-Do you think life would be better and/or people would like you more if you were thin/thinner?
-Do you find yourself often comparing your appearance and weight to others, strangers and/or models and actors, and wishing to be as "nice looking" or as "thin" as they are?
-Do you continuously feel that you are overweight even though others have told you that you are not?
-Do family members and/or friends often express concern for your weight-loss/gain, your appearance, and/or your eating habits?
-Do you think everyone's problems are more important then your own, or do you belittle your own emotions and pain?
-Do you often feel numb or empty inside, like your life lacks fulfillment and happiness, like something is missing or there is a void inside?
-Do you feel as though you have a "conscience" or "voice" that tells you negative things about yourself, convinces you that you do not deserve to eat and/or to be happy, or that tells you that you are or deserve to be fat and ugly?
-Examining yourself and how you feel, do you believe that you may suffer from Anorexia, Bulimia or Compulsive Overeating, or any combination of the three?
-Do you suffer from bouts of depression, hopelessness, and/or lack of motivation; and/or do you find your own problems overwhelming and hard to handle?
-Are you depressed, suicidal, stressed-out, and/or fatigued; and/or do you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks, mood swings, rage and/or insomnia.
-Have you ever been diagnosed with clinical depression, attentive deficit disorder, manic depression, bipolar II disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, or dissociative identity disorder, or any other psychological/neurological illness?
Sunday, November 28, 2010
These are the facts.
I’ve heard so many theories, and I’m so sick of them. I don’t care how true they are. Maybe that’s why I hate them, because they hit home. But I don’t care anymore. Nobody else means anything, anything at all. What he said was honest- you were the one person, the only person, I cared about, and you tossed me to the side like I was nothing. He knows the facts, and he understands. What he says makes sense- I should be able to walk away from you without a second glance. I should be able to occupy myself with a new boy. I should realize you were worthless. I should maybe even go to such extents as to believe you couldn’t deserve me (ha). Hey- that’s what the facts support. However, love, as you know, facts aren’t everything. “The arguments against insanity fall through with a soft shirring sound” (Stephen King, if you were wondering.) And that’s what this is, a kind of insanity. Facts are useless in the face of the heart; it's just something you have to understand. Here are the kind of facts I understand- the rush I got when you looked at me, the way I fell in love with you the night you held me under the stars, how it was the first time in my life I felt completely safe, the first time I wasn’t afraid, the first time I started to believe in you. And how about the fact that I miss you so much, it makes me sick, and the fact that your eyes are all I can see when I close mine? The fact that once upon a time, you told me you loved me too, and the fact that your feelings must have been just as hurt as mine, at least for a little while? I think those should maybe be accounted for too. I don’t know, maybe I do just want control back. I do already know I need to grow up. It’s like I’m five, with my fairy tale complex- always convinced of the identity of my Prince Charming, always trapped in my castle of naivety, always afraid of the monsters in the closet that come out as soon as it’s dark. I’m different, just like everybody else. But I love you, I do know that. I love you to the depth and breadth of my soul. I love you with every fiber of my being. Even though you don’t know, I love you. I can’t say it enough. It’s always in my thoughts, just like you are. You are one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever known, inside and out. You have my heart, and you have ever since the first time I saw you- back in seventh grade, when I ran up to you out of nowhere to ask you what your name was. You probably thought I was crazy- a little, mixed up, 13 year old staring up at you with huge blue eyes. I’m not even sure if you remember. But I felt so brave after that. I couldn’t explain it to myself; I could only feel the butterflies in my stomach, a preview of the way you make me feel like I’m not on solid ground anymore. I can’t even begin to explain how much of me you are. It’s like you’re part of my very make up- bound to every cell in my body. And I love you. Your name is my favorite word. I could write you poem after song after story, but there’s nothing I could ever say that could convey to you what I mean. Because at the end of the day, when I’m lying in bed, and I see your face right before I fall asleep, I know. You’re all I could ever need. It doesn’t matter if I had to leave everything else, if I had you, I’d be at home. It’s not that you’re perfect- you have flaws just like everyone else. But to quote Ron Pope, you’re perfect for me. It’s like whatever imperfections you have make you more amazing, because you’re real. You’re not fantasy, you’re not make believe, you aren’t a dream. You’re real, and that’s what’s always made me love you. I can’t stop saying it- I LOVE YOU.And that right there is the only fact that matters to me.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I felt like writing you a letter, because I miss you.
Hello Love,
How was your day? Hope it was as wonderful as you are. :) Mine was pretty good, even if I got a 53 on my first Morris Essay... It was expected, so not awful, but a shell shock after being used to 99's and even that one 100 in my Hand Essays. But I'm sure I'll get better at it. It can only help, right? :) It was my first day back at school after the strep stuff, bluck. But rehearsal made it soo much better! Once we all learn our lines well, the show will be awesome! I guess now would be my only opportunity to invite you, so you should definitely come. Chinese food though, was the highlight of my night. It was amaazing. I got the vegetable fried rice stuff, and it prompted an idea. I'm thinking of becoming a vegetarian. Couldn't hurt to try, especially since I get so queasy at the idea of what I'm eating. Animals are just too anatomically similar to me for me to be totally comfortable with it, haha. But you know me, could be a phase thing. Guess what though? My fortune cookie told me that "Your dearest wish will come true within a month," and I was surprised, because I didn't know the fortune cookies knew you well enough to influence you. Because no matter what I convince myself of in the dark hours of night, when I wake up and see the sun, it's always you I'm left thinking of. And I'm starting to think that's not a bad thing- maybe there's a reason I can't get you out of my head. Wow, that went from light to deeply serious in a really quick sentence. But it's true, you've been on my mind quite often lately, more often than usual (!), thus this letter. And there are no coincidences. So I'm going to let it happen, going to let YOU happen, if you'll let it. Because I miss you, love, and I don't think our business is really finished. And I doubt you do either. My mind is open to possibility... is yours?
How was your day? Hope it was as wonderful as you are. :) Mine was pretty good, even if I got a 53 on my first Morris Essay... It was expected, so not awful, but a shell shock after being used to 99's and even that one 100 in my Hand Essays. But I'm sure I'll get better at it. It can only help, right? :) It was my first day back at school after the strep stuff, bluck. But rehearsal made it soo much better! Once we all learn our lines well, the show will be awesome! I guess now would be my only opportunity to invite you, so you should definitely come. Chinese food though, was the highlight of my night. It was amaazing. I got the vegetable fried rice stuff, and it prompted an idea. I'm thinking of becoming a vegetarian. Couldn't hurt to try, especially since I get so queasy at the idea of what I'm eating. Animals are just too anatomically similar to me for me to be totally comfortable with it, haha. But you know me, could be a phase thing. Guess what though? My fortune cookie told me that "Your dearest wish will come true within a month," and I was surprised, because I didn't know the fortune cookies knew you well enough to influence you. Because no matter what I convince myself of in the dark hours of night, when I wake up and see the sun, it's always you I'm left thinking of. And I'm starting to think that's not a bad thing- maybe there's a reason I can't get you out of my head. Wow, that went from light to deeply serious in a really quick sentence. But it's true, you've been on my mind quite often lately, more often than usual (!), thus this letter. And there are no coincidences. So I'm going to let it happen, going to let YOU happen, if you'll let it. Because I miss you, love, and I don't think our business is really finished. And I doubt you do either. My mind is open to possibility... is yours?
Monday, November 15, 2010
Okay, so
I wanted the book "Buddha in Your Backpack" for a reallyyyyy long time now, and I finally bought it last week.
The verdict is in folks, and it's excellent. <3 So, I decided to share some wisdom from it, that I'm going to try to live by.
If it's not true, not beneficial, and not agreeable, don't say it.
Basically, starting a rumor. "She slept with so and so!". It's not true, it does not result in good, and it's mean.
If it's not true, not beneficial, and agreeable, don't say it.
To a bully: "You're such a nice person- you should continue doing what you do." It's nice, but it's false, and it actually probably not only not results in good, but results in bad.
If it's true, not beneficial, and not agreeable, don't say it.
Okay, let's go back to the line "She slept with so and so!" and pretend that she really did. Okay. you aren't lying, but telling it to random people certainly won't result in good, and it's not very nice.
If it's true, not beneficial, and agreeable, don't say it.
WHY do you want to say something that doesn't result in good anyway??
If it's true, beneficial, and disagreeable, know when to say it.
Obviously, people are going to have to know things that aren't necessarily good. But you have to know when they're ready to hear it- or else they won't hear it at all, just resist it.
If it's true, beneficial, and agreeable, know when to say it.
Okay, this one's pretty easy. Most of the time, you'll know when people need to hear something agreeable. Which happens about 100 times more than them being ready to hear something disagreeable. Is that frustrating? Well, yeah. But you have to learn patience with people, because I'm willing to bet it's the same with you.
The verdict is in folks, and it's excellent. <3 So, I decided to share some wisdom from it, that I'm going to try to live by.
If it's not true, not beneficial, and not agreeable, don't say it.
Basically, starting a rumor. "She slept with so and so!". It's not true, it does not result in good, and it's mean.
If it's not true, not beneficial, and agreeable, don't say it.
To a bully: "You're such a nice person- you should continue doing what you do." It's nice, but it's false, and it actually probably not only not results in good, but results in bad.
If it's true, not beneficial, and not agreeable, don't say it.
Okay, let's go back to the line "She slept with so and so!" and pretend that she really did. Okay. you aren't lying, but telling it to random people certainly won't result in good, and it's not very nice.
If it's true, not beneficial, and agreeable, don't say it.
WHY do you want to say something that doesn't result in good anyway??
If it's true, beneficial, and disagreeable, know when to say it.
Obviously, people are going to have to know things that aren't necessarily good. But you have to know when they're ready to hear it- or else they won't hear it at all, just resist it.
If it's true, beneficial, and agreeable, know when to say it.
Okay, this one's pretty easy. Most of the time, you'll know when people need to hear something agreeable. Which happens about 100 times more than them being ready to hear something disagreeable. Is that frustrating? Well, yeah. But you have to learn patience with people, because I'm willing to bet it's the same with you.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
You know, I think I'll just Babble About Some Recent Goings On.
So, I got the new Taylor Swift CD, and it's been on repeat ever since. Player hate ALL you want, but she's so catchy and so easy to relate to, I can't turn it off. Love, fweeee. <3
(CRYPTIC MESSAGE WARNING)
And YESTERDAY was day #365- happy anniversary to me. If you don't know, you don't need to. But chances are you've heard me carry on anyway. November 10, the day my world flipped AGAIN. Quite a pain. I've had a secret emotional indulgence of writing two letters and leaving them to be found, although I doubt they were found by the right person. It made me feel better? Don't judge, haha. (:
-stop-
(RESUME NORMAL BLOG ACTIVITY)
I've been doing pretty well as far as my songwriting goes, I've spit out a few new songs, including one I'm in the middle of, "Nobody But You". Yes, it's one of my cheesy ones, but not as horribly cheesy as some of the other ones, so I'm proud. These probably aren't going on youtube, because my mother's hinted at some recording time for my christmas present? so fingers crossed, and you all can hear them after that if you'd like.
<3
and as for the lesson of today. most of you know i've been pretty interested in buddhism as a philosophy, no? well i was reading a book on it, and this one thing really stood out to me. don't freak, it's not my usual weird philosophy stuff, it's just common sense. but anyway, it's really cool. i mean, we all have people we don't like, people that we consider our exact opposites. you might think there are people you have nothing in common with. but there's one universal commonality. everyone wants to escape suffering and be happy. everyone. like, everything everyone does is because they want to be happy. even if you do something for someone else, it makes you feel good. this isn't a bad thing, it's just human nature. we don't want to make ourselves miserable. but look. it's common, it's everything. next time you're tempted to say something bad about someone else, just remember. you both have a common goal. you both want to be happy. you just have different ideas of what will get you there. so try not to be so harsh on people- it's definitely something i'm having to work on too.
(CRYPTIC MESSAGE WARNING)
And YESTERDAY was day #365- happy anniversary to me. If you don't know, you don't need to. But chances are you've heard me carry on anyway. November 10, the day my world flipped AGAIN. Quite a pain. I've had a secret emotional indulgence of writing two letters and leaving them to be found, although I doubt they were found by the right person. It made me feel better? Don't judge, haha. (:
-stop-
(RESUME NORMAL BLOG ACTIVITY)
I've been doing pretty well as far as my songwriting goes, I've spit out a few new songs, including one I'm in the middle of, "Nobody But You". Yes, it's one of my cheesy ones, but not as horribly cheesy as some of the other ones, so I'm proud. These probably aren't going on youtube, because my mother's hinted at some recording time for my christmas present? so fingers crossed, and you all can hear them after that if you'd like.
<3
and as for the lesson of today. most of you know i've been pretty interested in buddhism as a philosophy, no? well i was reading a book on it, and this one thing really stood out to me. don't freak, it's not my usual weird philosophy stuff, it's just common sense. but anyway, it's really cool. i mean, we all have people we don't like, people that we consider our exact opposites. you might think there are people you have nothing in common with. but there's one universal commonality. everyone wants to escape suffering and be happy. everyone. like, everything everyone does is because they want to be happy. even if you do something for someone else, it makes you feel good. this isn't a bad thing, it's just human nature. we don't want to make ourselves miserable. but look. it's common, it's everything. next time you're tempted to say something bad about someone else, just remember. you both have a common goal. you both want to be happy. you just have different ideas of what will get you there. so try not to be so harsh on people- it's definitely something i'm having to work on too.
Monday, November 8, 2010
A Kara Key
Okay, so it's recently come to my attention that I may use a few phrases and words that are so odd that people my not always get what I'm referring to. Thus, this key. Will probably be added to as my slang favorites expand.
Legit- We'll start easy, as this is probably the most common 'strange' word. By no means exclusive to me, I picked this one up last summer and have been addicted ever since. Sometimes elongated to it's full "Legitimate", it's not what it seems. There's a high probability that you know the real definition of this word (as "real, not fake"), but the way I use it basically means cool. Your shoes are so legit, that story was so legitimate. easy.
Du bist ein schloss- you are a castle. it's either an insult or a compliment, use it in context.
My Bubble- it's pink, it sparkles, and it's hypothetical. but it's the barrier that i toss up between me and the person next to me, because i have ISSUES WITH PEOPLE GETTING IN MY PERSONAL SPACE. VIP only. Period, point blank. You will be able to tell if you're violating it, I'll either get fidgety and uncomfortable or just plain pissy.
Peachy- for all technical purposes, this word is SUPPOSED to mean, awesome, perfect. "You know, how are things going?" "peachy! :) " but since I only use this word when I am in 'high sarcasm' mode, it usually means, well, crap. "you have 50 math problems to do for homework." "...peachy. *rolls eyes*"
Take an adventure- seriously. adventure doesn't mean hijack a car and drive to new york. take an adventure means to go explore something new- like an idea or a place or whatever really. it generally involves a high ammount of creativity.
wombat- not frequently used, but picked up from one of my mother's highschool friends, it's meant to be a devastating insult. usually against cranky, unfair, ignorant people, and generally a feminine term, a male wombat just doesn't sound right. "she gave me detention for no reason! what a WOMBAT!"
lexical gap- i shout this out randomly when I find one. but, if you've read my previous blogs, you'll see this one. it's a phrase for when there should be a word for something, but there isn't.
Legit- We'll start easy, as this is probably the most common 'strange' word. By no means exclusive to me, I picked this one up last summer and have been addicted ever since. Sometimes elongated to it's full "Legitimate", it's not what it seems. There's a high probability that you know the real definition of this word (as "real, not fake"), but the way I use it basically means cool. Your shoes are so legit, that story was so legitimate. easy.
Du bist ein schloss- you are a castle. it's either an insult or a compliment, use it in context.
My Bubble- it's pink, it sparkles, and it's hypothetical. but it's the barrier that i toss up between me and the person next to me, because i have ISSUES WITH PEOPLE GETTING IN MY PERSONAL SPACE. VIP only. Period, point blank. You will be able to tell if you're violating it, I'll either get fidgety and uncomfortable or just plain pissy.
Peachy- for all technical purposes, this word is SUPPOSED to mean, awesome, perfect. "You know, how are things going?" "peachy! :) " but since I only use this word when I am in 'high sarcasm' mode, it usually means, well, crap. "you have 50 math problems to do for homework." "...peachy. *rolls eyes*"
Take an adventure- seriously. adventure doesn't mean hijack a car and drive to new york. take an adventure means to go explore something new- like an idea or a place or whatever really. it generally involves a high ammount of creativity.
wombat- not frequently used, but picked up from one of my mother's highschool friends, it's meant to be a devastating insult. usually against cranky, unfair, ignorant people, and generally a feminine term, a male wombat just doesn't sound right. "she gave me detention for no reason! what a WOMBAT!"
lexical gap- i shout this out randomly when I find one. but, if you've read my previous blogs, you'll see this one. it's a phrase for when there should be a word for something, but there isn't.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Ego
It's a weird thing to realize, but I think I've finally grasped the notion of the 'ego'- the image of ourselves we have and give to others. With all of the reading I've been doing, I've heard the term alot, but never really understood it- until now. When I was little, I'd always think how I'd want people to see me as this or that- I want to seem philosophical, or free spirited, or a leader, or silly. You know, we all do it. We get so caught up in what we want to be percieved as, we conform our opinions, actions, and thoughts to that image. You spend so much time changing your thought patters to fit this image, that they become real. They become natural, habits; ingrained into our brains. But they aren't who we are- obviously, if we wanted to do the same thing all over again- decide on an image and conform all of our habits to it again- we could. I could decide today, that, because it would make me happier and seem more interesting, I wanted to start acting very mysterious and loner- like. I could tell myself I didn't like people; I could delete my facebook; I could throw my phone away; I could quit all of my activities; I could transfer to another school and wear alot of black and never get close to people and carry around a notebook filled with mysterious poetry. And at first, it would be weird for me, but eventually, it would seem natural. Or I could go the other way. I could decide that I wanted to be cool, and a partier. I could sneak out at night; I could drink alot of alcohol; I could buy a ton of short skirts and stop eating to make myself tiny, thin, more attractive. Again, I'd eventually get used to it. I wouldn't have to think, it would be habit. But, it's an image. One I project to myself and others. Regardless of what I DID with myself, I would still be me. I could change my name, I could dye and cut my hair. I could get plastic surgery, I could get colored contacts, I could change my personality and thoughts entirely- but think about it. I'd still be me. Maybe not recognizeable to you, but I would still be there. We identify with our ego. I can say, my name is Kara. I like to sing, I have blue eyes and brown hair, I live in Georgia. But as we went over, all of that can change. Well, if that's true, then who am I? What makes me me? There isn't an easy answer. There's something inside of us far deeper than what we are in this world. I mean, think about it. Most of the world is empty space anyway. Science tells us that everything is made of atoms. Atoms are made up of particles that whirl around huge, empty space. It's our senses that turn all of this empty space and energy into things we can interpret. The whole world is something we interpret. Even your own body is something your senses tell you is there- we're mostly empty space as well. We aren't our bodies. Well, fine then, are we our minds? Where do your thougths and feelings come from? Exactly? And to where do they disappear? Well, this still doesn't answer they question. Who am I? What can I claim as me? Well, if we're looking at it this way, everything. You're an awareness, you observe. As my ego, my image, changes, there's still something there observing all of that. It's Being. I know, for those of you who haven't read much, this seems odd and abstract, and almost mythical. I can't really explain it by myself. But it's something I've read alot about and really relate to now. If you're interested on more about this particular subject, I would reccommend Power, Freedom, and Grace by Deepak Chopra. He can really explain it.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
evanescent
submitted annonymously
for the purposes of:
provoking thought,
inflaming curiosity
and
affecting emotions.
evanescent
to live without a heartbeat
to touch without feeling
to listen without sound
for the purposes of:
provoking thought,
inflaming curiosity
and
affecting emotions.
evanescent
to live without a heartbeat
to touch without feeling
to listen without sound
to see without vision
and the spinning
and the shining
and the flashing
and the flying
is the
starsmoonsunsky
is the
snowraincloudswind
but the reeling
but the running
but the silence
but the shunning
to take a breath without air
to bleed without blood
to burn without fire
to die with a heartbeat.
Friday, October 1, 2010
I'm halfway gone. (writing excersize.)
random scenario off of an online short story idea site. a girl is writing a letter to her boyfriend. she loves him, but they've been getting into huge arguments. explain why.
dear boyfriend or maybe not.
this camel's back is rather close to breaking.
i am rather sick of spending all of my time apologizing, when it doesn't even matter to you. make up your mind- you want to be with me or you don't. i'm so sick of being strung along and snapped at. i understand that maybe you're stressed, but you've been taking it out on me. don't tell me it's okay and then turn around and yell at me for something else. i'm not five years old, and it's not your job to correct my behavior; behavior that isn't even bad. I'm laying this out straight. you said you didn't know if you cared. about me, about us, about this. well, i think you better figure it out, and fast. i'm done with getting my feelings hurt, because you're so obviously embarassed by me or you just can't tolerate the fact that i have an opinion. i love you, and you know it- you can be so sweet, and so smart, and so funny when you want to. you do so many little things- like noticing the color of my eyes, or reassuring me when i get insecure, or offering to come in early to study with me for a hard test, or letting me win little arguments. i can't tell you how much my heart races when i look up and catch you glancing at me, and you give me that embarrassed little half smile and look away, or how special i feel when you give me little sideways compliments. but that's all starting to take a backseat. i feel like all you ever do anymore is nitpick at me and argue with me, and it hurts. it feels like you're telling me that i'm not good enough for you. the bad times are starting to overpower the good. the staring at the phone, wishing for a text, and yet dreading it, because i know we aren't going to end the evening happy. i'm done with it, love. I can't handle this. the argument last night was so bad, i didn't even know if we were still dating when i came to school today. but i sucked up my pride. i said i was wrong, i apologized. you said we were fine, and five seconds later proceeded to yell at me for the next sentence ot of my mouth. i can't take this anymore. make up your mind. do it quickly, because i don't want this to be over. i want to stay with you- you're the first one to make me feel something in a long time. but if this is how it's going to be, i'm leaving. if i'm just not good enough for you, i'll let you be so you can find someone who is. i'm sick of dragging this out. if this isn't better soon, i'll have no choice. i love you forever, but i have to respect myself too. if you want me in your life, you're going to have to just find a way to put me there.|
yours,
the girl whos heart you have.
dear boyfriend or maybe not.
this camel's back is rather close to breaking.
i am rather sick of spending all of my time apologizing, when it doesn't even matter to you. make up your mind- you want to be with me or you don't. i'm so sick of being strung along and snapped at. i understand that maybe you're stressed, but you've been taking it out on me. don't tell me it's okay and then turn around and yell at me for something else. i'm not five years old, and it's not your job to correct my behavior; behavior that isn't even bad. I'm laying this out straight. you said you didn't know if you cared. about me, about us, about this. well, i think you better figure it out, and fast. i'm done with getting my feelings hurt, because you're so obviously embarassed by me or you just can't tolerate the fact that i have an opinion. i love you, and you know it- you can be so sweet, and so smart, and so funny when you want to. you do so many little things- like noticing the color of my eyes, or reassuring me when i get insecure, or offering to come in early to study with me for a hard test, or letting me win little arguments. i can't tell you how much my heart races when i look up and catch you glancing at me, and you give me that embarrassed little half smile and look away, or how special i feel when you give me little sideways compliments. but that's all starting to take a backseat. i feel like all you ever do anymore is nitpick at me and argue with me, and it hurts. it feels like you're telling me that i'm not good enough for you. the bad times are starting to overpower the good. the staring at the phone, wishing for a text, and yet dreading it, because i know we aren't going to end the evening happy. i'm done with it, love. I can't handle this. the argument last night was so bad, i didn't even know if we were still dating when i came to school today. but i sucked up my pride. i said i was wrong, i apologized. you said we were fine, and five seconds later proceeded to yell at me for the next sentence ot of my mouth. i can't take this anymore. make up your mind. do it quickly, because i don't want this to be over. i want to stay with you- you're the first one to make me feel something in a long time. but if this is how it's going to be, i'm leaving. if i'm just not good enough for you, i'll let you be so you can find someone who is. i'm sick of dragging this out. if this isn't better soon, i'll have no choice. i love you forever, but i have to respect myself too. if you want me in your life, you're going to have to just find a way to put me there.|
yours,
the girl whos heart you have.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
*Sigh*
Do you ever just get those texts from people that melt you into a puddle? I swear, the first show of emotion. That took a while to get there, but I swear. That was one fo the the best compliments I have ever recieved in my life. :) And do you ever have these REALLY BIG, GIGANTIC, WONDERFUL secrets that you're DYING to tell everybody, but can't? It can really drive you to extremes, like talking out loud to trees or stars or stuffed animals. But it makes everything sweeter too, because nobody knows. Ahh, this week has been the best. There was that one really awful day, but then everything skyrocketed and now I couldn't be happier. :) I've found another lexical gap- what's the opposite of food?! :o if something's not food, it's... what?? AHH! Help me bridge it!
I can't think of a suitable toppic for tonights blog! Other than paperwork, and the fact that it is massively time consuming and altogether difficult. :/
I can't think of a suitable toppic for tonights blog! Other than paperwork, and the fact that it is massively time consuming and altogether difficult. :/
Friday, September 24, 2010
I Look For Lexical Gaps and Dead Bodies in my Spare Time... in your pants.
So, I have been fairly lazy for the past few weeks. Ever since that crazy trip to Florida, which disrupted my writers flow, I've lost all of my motivation. But HEY, sucks for me, because I have Liam sitting here yelling at me about how I should not be a nast little hypocrite, telling people all of this "I do not write for myself, but for others" stuff and then backing out on them. To which I generally flick him off of my shoulder and go eat some ice cream. But finally tonight, I've decided to listen to him. I was talking to my mother about the topics for this blog, and discussed how I'm going to give you all an ironic blog, because I'm tired of writing about serious things. She replied that technically, the blog is more satirical than ironic. And TECHNICALLY, she's right. But I happen to like describing it as ironic, so this blog is satirical, but disguised as ironic. Like, the satire in it is Superman, and we're using the word irony to be the Clark Kent and disguise it poorly. But anyway, on to the actual blog topic. Some people play "I spy", or "Where's Waldo", or something along those lines. I have a somewhat more interesting way to spend long car rides with friends. We look for dead bodies. Or, more specifically, the best place to stash them. The only rule is that every dumpster holds at least one dead body. It's required. But other places are somewhat more creative. We've found stretches of forest, abandoned strip malls, gosh, they're everywhere. No serial killers could ever pull one over on ME! I know all of their dump sites. Yes, it's a rather morbid game. But also a good way to occupy time. Try it out sometime, you'll be amazed at how creeped out you can get. o.0
But another, slightly less creepy way to occupy time, is to look for lexical gaps. This is a trick I learned fron Hank Green, one of the amazing Vlog Brothers. (Hilarious vlogs, I laughed until I cried. RECOMMENDED.) A lexical gap is a word for when there should be a word for something, but there isn't. Take shallow. There is no word for shallow in Romanian. :o instead, you have to use 'not so very deep'. What a pain, what a lexical gap! So, you can sit down with all of your favorite adjectives (or even discriptive nouns or verbs), and try to come up with antonyms for them. If you can't, you've found a LEXICAL GAP! Now, this may sound boring, but once you start, it's hard to stop. And when you find a lexical gap, you always want to plug it. Take the example they used. Virgin. Well, what's the word for when someone is no longer a virgin? There ISN'T one in english! (but ironically, there is one in Romanian.) So, let's bridge the gap- virgout.Thumbs up if you think that is as hilariously brilliant as I do.
Another point the Vlog Brothers brought out is that every single book title you have in your house sounds funny if you add 'in your pants' to the end of it. <3
examples:
"the unspeakable crime of andrea yates in your pants."
"little women in your pants"
"the lovely bones in your pants"
:o i won't even comment on those, but you'll see that it works just as well with any other titles you can think of. :)
And, that's really all I have in my system as far as writing goes tonight. I'm getting kind of sleepy, and have deided that although it is only eleven, i will go to bed, because A) the person that I want to text me has in fact stopped texting me and B) i don't sleep during the week, so my weekend is my catch-up time. So, I'm off, and I'm sure Liam will do his best to yell at me and make sure you guys get another blog tommorow. Love.
But another, slightly less creepy way to occupy time, is to look for lexical gaps. This is a trick I learned fron Hank Green, one of the amazing Vlog Brothers. (Hilarious vlogs, I laughed until I cried. RECOMMENDED.) A lexical gap is a word for when there should be a word for something, but there isn't. Take shallow. There is no word for shallow in Romanian. :o instead, you have to use 'not so very deep'. What a pain, what a lexical gap! So, you can sit down with all of your favorite adjectives (or even discriptive nouns or verbs), and try to come up with antonyms for them. If you can't, you've found a LEXICAL GAP! Now, this may sound boring, but once you start, it's hard to stop. And when you find a lexical gap, you always want to plug it. Take the example they used. Virgin. Well, what's the word for when someone is no longer a virgin? There ISN'T one in english! (but ironically, there is one in Romanian.) So, let's bridge the gap- virgout.Thumbs up if you think that is as hilariously brilliant as I do.
Another point the Vlog Brothers brought out is that every single book title you have in your house sounds funny if you add 'in your pants' to the end of it. <3
examples:
"the unspeakable crime of andrea yates in your pants."
"little women in your pants"
"the lovely bones in your pants"
:o i won't even comment on those, but you'll see that it works just as well with any other titles you can think of. :)
And, that's really all I have in my system as far as writing goes tonight. I'm getting kind of sleepy, and have deided that although it is only eleven, i will go to bed, because A) the person that I want to text me has in fact stopped texting me and B) i don't sleep during the week, so my weekend is my catch-up time. So, I'm off, and I'm sure Liam will do his best to yell at me and make sure you guys get another blog tommorow. Love.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
I Looked Into Your Eyes, Thought I Knew You For A Mintue, Now I'm Not So Sure.
What am I even supposed to do? I could be angry. I could let you have it; I could tell you how they were right, how I should have listened to you and everyone else. I could scream at you, asking you how dare you ask me to do something as shallow as to pick you over my friend, how dare you be so callous as to stomp on my feelings like they were nothing more than a few pathetic ants, scurrying around helplessly. I could tell you that I never meant to like you, and tell you that you could have maybe at least pretended to politely move on about it. But I care about you too much. You're too sensitive for that (even though you'd die if you heard me say that), and I can't stand to hurt you any more than I apparently already have. Has it ever occured to you that I'm a person too? Do you lack any empathy towards anyone but yourself? Or do I just put out the 'together' persona so well that you don't believe me when I tell you I'm confused and hurt? I guess you never believed me. I always loved you, on some very basic level. Not 'in love'. It wasn't like that. But you always appealed to me. I don't know why. At first, you were condescending; you were harsh; you were unemotional. But I soon realized that was always on the outside. The more I got to know you, the more I saw it. That other side of you, the side that could be silly, or sweet, or thoughtful. And that appealed to me. I could always tell. The Mr.Hyde in you would come out the more you felt threatened, and I loved the Dr. Jekyll in you so much that I would open up and be vulnerable, and patient with you. That did me in. I always have my walls up, with almost everyone. And I guess... I donn't get it. I don't understand the attachment to you. I don't understand why, I never, ever, have. And when you started to let me in, to let me see a little bit about you, too, I was so excited. But I guess we never knew each other, did we? We knew what the other wanted to say. We're too much like each other, on some basic level, to really understand each other. We keep just enough about our feelings and intentions hidden that the other is always guessing, and that's never a good formula. I don't get why it hurts so much that you're so mad. I guess it's because I don't understand it. I don't even know WHY you're mad at me. Is it because I won't stop being friends with her? Because I don't think that's all it is. But I don't know what the rest of it is, because you won't tell me, and that's just how you are. Was I too honest? Did I feel too much? You said things are going to be different, and I can't help but agree.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I am so drugged out
on migrane medication, I really don't even know what I'm typing right now. I hate these, but they keep me from ripping my head off to aviod the pain, so I guess I'll live with them. I had to take them before vacay too, and two this month seems rather unfair, but it is what it is. But seriously guys, I'm loopy. So take anything I say with that in mind. I had a few alright topics in mind to blog about from my week in Orlando, but they all seem too philosophical for druggy me. But to give you a small glimpse at what is to come, a few of the ideas were 'time', 'growing', 'the seven spiritual laws of success', and ' your purpose in life'. Hah, yeah right, my brain is in no shape to process any of those. SO instead, I am going to let you read the first little part of a story I've been trying to write for about a year now. I have to plotline and everything, but lack the motivation to make it into an honest to Buddha story. So if any of you like it, and want to know what happens, hop on my case about finishing it. Haha. If not, enjoy this here snippet:
Trey stared deep into Jenna's big brown eyes, pleading silently with his own blue-green ones, continuing the argument that had been going on for several weeks now.
"Babe, please? It'll only be for the summer, and I'll be back long before the wedding. This is the last trip I can take with Skye and it still be considered 'appropriate'." he begged.
"We're engaged." she insisted. "It's not appropriate now."
"Jenna, she's my best friend. She has been since we were in MIDDLE SCHOOL! Do you really blame her for wanting one last trip with me before I go off, get married, and move to London, leaving her here to fend for herself?" Trey cajoled, trying to appeal to Jenna's sympathy.
"We both know good and well that Skye is perfectly capable of 'fending for herself'. That blonde mantrap just wants you to herself so she can change your mind about the engagement." Jenna sniffed. "She's hated me since the beginning."
Trey mentally laughed before answering, knowing that Jenna wouldn't have even known the line 'blonde mantrap' if it weren't for Skye. It was from Skye's favorite movie of all time, Gentleman Prefer Blondes. Skye was the one who made him sit down and show it to Jenna to begin with. But just as fast as the moment of good humor came, it was gone, being replaced by a cloud of annoyance.
"Jenna! We. are. just. FRIENDS. Skye's practically a sister!" he practically shouted. "And she never hated you, not until you acted all jealous and gave her a reason to!" He sighed, putting his hand to his face. He knew if he wanted to change Jenna's mind that listing her flaws and Skye's virtues was not the way to do it.
"Besides," he murmered, sliding his hands around her waist, "Do you think she could change my mind even if she wanted to?" He smiled his mischevious simle, the one he knew she loved, and turned on the full force of his eyes. He leaned in, inches away from her face, and whispered "I love you, Jenna. Nothing can change that." He finally closed the last bit of a gap, softly and persuasively pressing his mouth to hers. After a second, he pulled away and whispered, "Please?" into her ear.
"Arghhhhhh!" she growled pushing him away, her face a mask of annoyance and adoration. "Fine, fine, do whatever you want!"
"Are you sure?" he asked, triumphant and teasing. "I wouldn't want to upset you..."
"No! I want you to go!" she muttered irritably, rolling her eyes. "Whatever makes you happy."
"Thank you babe!" he exclaimed, smiling from ear to ear as he swooped her up in his arms and kissed her again, but this time more passionately and longer.
"Put me down!" She exclaimed breaking away from the kiss. She was trying to act like she was still annoyed, but the fact that she was laughing now meant that she was going to let him take the trip.
"I'll call you every night, and be home before you know it." he winked. "Now I'm going to go call Skye and make plans, and you can go pick out a pretty little white dress."
Jenna smiled widely. "Hey, since you're gonna be gone with Skye, is it okay if I have Matt over to spend a few days? He's really upset that Summer broke up with him, and I was hoping I could help cheer him up."
"Of course, babe. I know I can trust you." he said, winking. "See? I didn't make you beg yourself prideless."
Jenna smacked him, smiling. "Shut up, I'm letting you go, aren't I?"
Trey smiled at her, and pushed her onto the bed, tickling her. Jenna shrieked and giggled, and when he finally stopped, he pulled her against him and kissed her forehead. "Love you Jen."
She stared up at him, smiling. "Love you too." She snuggled into his chest, and then gently fell asleep against him, listening to his strong heartbeat.
***
Trey sped down the long gravel driveway, and pulled the car to a stop in front of a uniformly tan house in the middle of five acres of woods. He threw his car door open and jumped out, exclaiming, "Skye! I can go!"
The girl laying on a lawnchair sunning in the driveway sat up, her blonde layers disheveled from laying down, and took off her sunglasses. The turquoise of her swimsuit accentuated her striking blue eyes perfectly, and a huge smile lit up her face.
"Really?" she gasped. "How'd you convince the wombat?" Skye giggled.
"Don't call her that." Try said automatically, and dismissively, as if he'd already said it a thousand times before, which, if he was honest with himself, it was probably more along the lines of a million. "I just turned on the charm." He winked at her, and she rolled her eyes.
"Because you couldn't have thought of that back in June, when I first got the idea?" she said, standing up and stretching like a cat.
"Hmph. Brat." he narrowed his eyes at her playfully.
She giggled again, skipping over to him and hugging him. "But that's why you looove me!"
Trey could smell the cocunut scented oil she had put on in an effort to tan, and he pulled away, tousling her hair. "More like in spite of it."
Skye stuck her tongue out, then poked him in the side, making him jump. He yelped, and she made a face.
"I swear, you make the most awkward noises."
Trey stared deep into Jenna's big brown eyes, pleading silently with his own blue-green ones, continuing the argument that had been going on for several weeks now.
"Babe, please? It'll only be for the summer, and I'll be back long before the wedding. This is the last trip I can take with Skye and it still be considered 'appropriate'." he begged.
"We're engaged." she insisted. "It's not appropriate now."
"Jenna, she's my best friend. She has been since we were in MIDDLE SCHOOL! Do you really blame her for wanting one last trip with me before I go off, get married, and move to London, leaving her here to fend for herself?" Trey cajoled, trying to appeal to Jenna's sympathy.
"We both know good and well that Skye is perfectly capable of 'fending for herself'. That blonde mantrap just wants you to herself so she can change your mind about the engagement." Jenna sniffed. "She's hated me since the beginning."
Trey mentally laughed before answering, knowing that Jenna wouldn't have even known the line 'blonde mantrap' if it weren't for Skye. It was from Skye's favorite movie of all time, Gentleman Prefer Blondes. Skye was the one who made him sit down and show it to Jenna to begin with. But just as fast as the moment of good humor came, it was gone, being replaced by a cloud of annoyance.
"Jenna! We. are. just. FRIENDS. Skye's practically a sister!" he practically shouted. "And she never hated you, not until you acted all jealous and gave her a reason to!" He sighed, putting his hand to his face. He knew if he wanted to change Jenna's mind that listing her flaws and Skye's virtues was not the way to do it.
"Besides," he murmered, sliding his hands around her waist, "Do you think she could change my mind even if she wanted to?" He smiled his mischevious simle, the one he knew she loved, and turned on the full force of his eyes. He leaned in, inches away from her face, and whispered "I love you, Jenna. Nothing can change that." He finally closed the last bit of a gap, softly and persuasively pressing his mouth to hers. After a second, he pulled away and whispered, "Please?" into her ear.
"Arghhhhhh!" she growled pushing him away, her face a mask of annoyance and adoration. "Fine, fine, do whatever you want!"
"Are you sure?" he asked, triumphant and teasing. "I wouldn't want to upset you..."
"No! I want you to go!" she muttered irritably, rolling her eyes. "Whatever makes you happy."
"Thank you babe!" he exclaimed, smiling from ear to ear as he swooped her up in his arms and kissed her again, but this time more passionately and longer.
"Put me down!" She exclaimed breaking away from the kiss. She was trying to act like she was still annoyed, but the fact that she was laughing now meant that she was going to let him take the trip.
"I'll call you every night, and be home before you know it." he winked. "Now I'm going to go call Skye and make plans, and you can go pick out a pretty little white dress."
Jenna smiled widely. "Hey, since you're gonna be gone with Skye, is it okay if I have Matt over to spend a few days? He's really upset that Summer broke up with him, and I was hoping I could help cheer him up."
"Of course, babe. I know I can trust you." he said, winking. "See? I didn't make you beg yourself prideless."
Jenna smacked him, smiling. "Shut up, I'm letting you go, aren't I?"
Trey smiled at her, and pushed her onto the bed, tickling her. Jenna shrieked and giggled, and when he finally stopped, he pulled her against him and kissed her forehead. "Love you Jen."
She stared up at him, smiling. "Love you too." She snuggled into his chest, and then gently fell asleep against him, listening to his strong heartbeat.
***
Trey sped down the long gravel driveway, and pulled the car to a stop in front of a uniformly tan house in the middle of five acres of woods. He threw his car door open and jumped out, exclaiming, "Skye! I can go!"
The girl laying on a lawnchair sunning in the driveway sat up, her blonde layers disheveled from laying down, and took off her sunglasses. The turquoise of her swimsuit accentuated her striking blue eyes perfectly, and a huge smile lit up her face.
"Really?" she gasped. "How'd you convince the wombat?" Skye giggled.
"Don't call her that." Try said automatically, and dismissively, as if he'd already said it a thousand times before, which, if he was honest with himself, it was probably more along the lines of a million. "I just turned on the charm." He winked at her, and she rolled her eyes.
"Because you couldn't have thought of that back in June, when I first got the idea?" she said, standing up and stretching like a cat.
"Hmph. Brat." he narrowed his eyes at her playfully.
She giggled again, skipping over to him and hugging him. "But that's why you looove me!"
Trey could smell the cocunut scented oil she had put on in an effort to tan, and he pulled away, tousling her hair. "More like in spite of it."
Skye stuck her tongue out, then poked him in the side, making him jump. He yelped, and she made a face.
"I swear, you make the most awkward noises."
Friday, September 17, 2010
A letter about nobody.
Yes, THAT nobody. All good things must come to an end (not really, but this one did) and every love letter gets a breakup letter to counteract it, until it doesn't. So, yes, this is about my dearest nobody, sent to a friend who was going through a breakup at that time as well and thought I didn't understand what he was going through. NOTE: It didn't take me four years, and it didn't take the friend four years. so, chin up everyone. keep moving, keep living, and you will live. <3
I don't get your situation? You don't know how well I get your situation. Trust me. There's a whole long story that I could use to prove it to you, but I won't go there because it doesn't matter anymore. But I know. I know that it can hurt so badly every time you see their face that you can't breathe, and you almost want to just curl up in a ball and die because you can't have them anymore and all you want to do is be next to them and everything be perfect again. You fall asleep thinking about them and when you wake up and remember that they aren't there anymore, you hurt all over again. When you revisit the site of the first kiss over and over again just to replay it in your mind and hurt some more. And you torture yourself with thoughts of what could have been and find a thousand new ways for your heart to break every day. I KNOW. But I also know this is highschool. And it won't last forever. Even if I have to deal with it every single day for the next four years. I will eventually be in college, thousands of miles away from him where I can't think about it. Because as much as it would hurt, it would be better than having to live with him ignoring me and me wishing I could change his mind. Because as much as I want to change his mind, I know I can't. And if I think I'm going to be stuck like this forever, I feel like it's not even worth getting out of bed in the morning. I have to have something to get me through the day, and if that's the future, so be it.
I don't get your situation? You don't know how well I get your situation. Trust me. There's a whole long story that I could use to prove it to you, but I won't go there because it doesn't matter anymore. But I know. I know that it can hurt so badly every time you see their face that you can't breathe, and you almost want to just curl up in a ball and die because you can't have them anymore and all you want to do is be next to them and everything be perfect again. You fall asleep thinking about them and when you wake up and remember that they aren't there anymore, you hurt all over again. When you revisit the site of the first kiss over and over again just to replay it in your mind and hurt some more. And you torture yourself with thoughts of what could have been and find a thousand new ways for your heart to break every day. I KNOW. But I also know this is highschool. And it won't last forever. Even if I have to deal with it every single day for the next four years. I will eventually be in college, thousands of miles away from him where I can't think about it. Because as much as it would hurt, it would be better than having to live with him ignoring me and me wishing I could change his mind. Because as much as I want to change his mind, I know I can't. And if I think I'm going to be stuck like this forever, I feel like it's not even worth getting out of bed in the morning. I have to have something to get me through the day, and if that's the future, so be it.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Some of my favorite quotes.
So, I'm aware I just posted this on facebook. But, because these are so awesome, they deserve a DOUBLE POST! <3 So, yeah. Here you go, some of the best quotes EVER.
"Things are pretty, graceful, rich, elegant, handsome, but, until they speak to the imagination, not yet beautiful."- Emerson
"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." -Buddha
"I am involved in a freedom ride protesting the loss of the minority rights belonging to the few remaining earthbound stars. All we demanded was our right to twinkle." -Marilyn Monroe
"I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one." -Marilyn Monroe
"If I'd observed all the rules, I'd never have got anywhere."- Marilyn Monroe
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond." -Mae West
"If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning." -Mae West
"The earth has music for those who listen."- William Shakespeare
"Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are." -Houssaye
"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." -Ingrid Bergman
"A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness." -Robert Frost
"Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form." -Rumi
"Let the beauty of what you love be what you do." -Rumi
"This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet." -Rumi
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about." - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi (The Illuminated Rumi)
"You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?" -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free." - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Two there are who are never satisfied -- the lover of the world and the lover of knowledge." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi (El Masnavi)
"I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Who could be so lucky? Who comes to a lake for water and sees the reflection of moon." - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Reason is powerless in the expression of Love." - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"The universe and the light of the stars come through me." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absentminded. Someone sober will worry about things going badly. Let the lover be. " - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi (Essential Rumi)
"Here is a relationship booster
that is guaranteed to
work:
Every time your spouse or lover says something stupid
make your eyes light up as if you
just heard something
brilliant." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Because I cannot sleep i make music in the night" - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Listen; there's a hell of a good universe next door: let's go." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Inspiration comes in the middle of the night when you should be doing homework."- Amy Lee
"If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through- what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?" - Marilyn Monroe
"You can love someone so much...But you can never love people as much as you can miss them." -John Green
"Anything that happens all at once is just as likely to unhappen all at once." John Green (Will Grayson, Will Grayson)
"Some people have lives; some people have music." -John Green
"Things are pretty, graceful, rich, elegant, handsome, but, until they speak to the imagination, not yet beautiful."- Emerson
"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." -Buddha
"I am involved in a freedom ride protesting the loss of the minority rights belonging to the few remaining earthbound stars. All we demanded was our right to twinkle." -Marilyn Monroe
"I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one." -Marilyn Monroe
"If I'd observed all the rules, I'd never have got anywhere."- Marilyn Monroe
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond." -Mae West
"If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning." -Mae West
"The earth has music for those who listen."- William Shakespeare
"Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are." -Houssaye
"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." -Ingrid Bergman
"A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness." -Robert Frost
"Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form." -Rumi
"Let the beauty of what you love be what you do." -Rumi
"This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet." -Rumi
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about." - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi (The Illuminated Rumi)
"You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?" -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free." - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Two there are who are never satisfied -- the lover of the world and the lover of knowledge." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi (El Masnavi)
"I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Who could be so lucky? Who comes to a lake for water and sees the reflection of moon." - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Reason is powerless in the expression of Love." - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"The universe and the light of the stars come through me." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absentminded. Someone sober will worry about things going badly. Let the lover be. " - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi (Essential Rumi)
"Here is a relationship booster
that is guaranteed to
work:
Every time your spouse or lover says something stupid
make your eyes light up as if you
just heard something
brilliant." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Because I cannot sleep i make music in the night" - Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Listen; there's a hell of a good universe next door: let's go." -Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
"Inspiration comes in the middle of the night when you should be doing homework."- Amy Lee
"If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through- what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?" - Marilyn Monroe
"You can love someone so much...But you can never love people as much as you can miss them." -John Green
"Anything that happens all at once is just as likely to unhappen all at once." John Green (Will Grayson, Will Grayson)
"Some people have lives; some people have music." -John Green
Friday, September 10, 2010
Right v. Wrong
Disclaimer: I get fairly philosophical is this one, so if it's not your cup of tea, just skip this one. And do NOT comment on this telling me I'm wrong, becaue that would mean that you're missing the whole point.
Okay, so this is one of my favorite topics. What is right? And what about wrong? You probably have a pretty good idea of your own opinons on this subject. Things you think are correct, good, and true, and things you veiw as incorrect, bad, and wrong. But, truly, where is the dividing ling between what is REALLY right and what is REALLY wrong? As in, the things that are truly in the laws of the universe, right and wrong. The problem with this question is, it varies, depending on the situation and personal beliefs. Let's go with a simple example here. Most people who read this blog would agree that killing someone is wrong. From a Christian perspective, this statement SHOULD hold up. There's even a commandment- "Thou shalt not kill." But, if killing is wrong, are soliders who fight for our country in the same ranks as Ted Bundy? What about people who are attempting to defend themselves from being killed? Why aren't they all locked up in jail? Killing people is wrong, right? And looking at it from an Eastern point of view- in many countries, people believe in the Law of Retaliation- if someone kills one of your family members, you are entitled to kill them. It sounds horrifying to many Americans, but to them, it's wrong not to retaliate. So, it's wrong not to kill someone? And what about things? If you can't kill a human, should you kill anything? Should we all be vegetarians? It should be straight up. Killing people is wrong. Well, but maybe it isn't. Depending on who you are. Another example- stealing. Most people would believe stealing is wrong. You're taking from other people, like a parasite. But what if you must? What if you had to to feed your family? If you lived in a poor country, would taking enough bread from someone who had a surpluss, simply to keep your children from starving, if there was no other way, wrong? And again, what if you live on the streets? What if it's what you've grown up around, your entire life? You believe it's right. So, to you it's right. To me it's wrong? Which one of us is correct??? Well, to be honest, we all are. Right and wrong are concepts the human mind made up to make order and sense out of this world. Most people prefer a black and white, a good and bad, a right and wrong. But there isn't black and white. There's only shade of gray, personal opinions, ideas. Right and wrong is entirely personal, depending on your beliefs. They aren't the same for everyone. What's right for me may not be right for you, and what's right for you may not be right for me. No two people are exactly alike. It's not about right and wrong, truly. It's about right for me, and wrong for me. It's all an idea. Take for example, gay marriage. I would never participate in that lifestyle, because it's wrong for me. But I can graciously accept the fact that it might be right for other people. It's all personal. One of my favorite quote is by Rumi- "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about." It's so true. When you let go of all of your preconcieved notions and are open to what the universe wants to tell you, the world does become too full to talk about. You are more aware and happier. Don't base your beliefs on what someone tells you- a predefined set of values. Search for truth, and wherever you find it, take it and apply it to your life. You'll know what's truly right for you and truly wrong for you- because it will bring you lasting joy. Not superficial happiness, but real, true joy down to your core. You're happy, because you're living what you believe. Just be open to everything you hear, and don't judge. Concern yourself with your own pursuit of happiness, not other's. It's not your responsibility to decide their standards for them. It's all preference anyway. You don't get mad at someone if they have a different favorite color. You don't try to make them believe that your favorite color is the best color. You accept that you both have different tastes and let it go. Why is it so easy with colors, and yet more difficult than anything to be open to the fact that other people have different religious and moral ideas than you? It doesn't make any sense to try to make other people adhere to your values. Everyone has the right to their own opinion. REMEMBER, it may be wrong to you, but to them, it may be the rightest thing in the world. And the glorious thing happes to be that you are both right.
Okay, so this is one of my favorite topics. What is right? And what about wrong? You probably have a pretty good idea of your own opinons on this subject. Things you think are correct, good, and true, and things you veiw as incorrect, bad, and wrong. But, truly, where is the dividing ling between what is REALLY right and what is REALLY wrong? As in, the things that are truly in the laws of the universe, right and wrong. The problem with this question is, it varies, depending on the situation and personal beliefs. Let's go with a simple example here. Most people who read this blog would agree that killing someone is wrong. From a Christian perspective, this statement SHOULD hold up. There's even a commandment- "Thou shalt not kill." But, if killing is wrong, are soliders who fight for our country in the same ranks as Ted Bundy? What about people who are attempting to defend themselves from being killed? Why aren't they all locked up in jail? Killing people is wrong, right? And looking at it from an Eastern point of view- in many countries, people believe in the Law of Retaliation- if someone kills one of your family members, you are entitled to kill them. It sounds horrifying to many Americans, but to them, it's wrong not to retaliate. So, it's wrong not to kill someone? And what about things? If you can't kill a human, should you kill anything? Should we all be vegetarians? It should be straight up. Killing people is wrong. Well, but maybe it isn't. Depending on who you are. Another example- stealing. Most people would believe stealing is wrong. You're taking from other people, like a parasite. But what if you must? What if you had to to feed your family? If you lived in a poor country, would taking enough bread from someone who had a surpluss, simply to keep your children from starving, if there was no other way, wrong? And again, what if you live on the streets? What if it's what you've grown up around, your entire life? You believe it's right. So, to you it's right. To me it's wrong? Which one of us is correct??? Well, to be honest, we all are. Right and wrong are concepts the human mind made up to make order and sense out of this world. Most people prefer a black and white, a good and bad, a right and wrong. But there isn't black and white. There's only shade of gray, personal opinions, ideas. Right and wrong is entirely personal, depending on your beliefs. They aren't the same for everyone. What's right for me may not be right for you, and what's right for you may not be right for me. No two people are exactly alike. It's not about right and wrong, truly. It's about right for me, and wrong for me. It's all an idea. Take for example, gay marriage. I would never participate in that lifestyle, because it's wrong for me. But I can graciously accept the fact that it might be right for other people. It's all personal. One of my favorite quote is by Rumi- "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about." It's so true. When you let go of all of your preconcieved notions and are open to what the universe wants to tell you, the world does become too full to talk about. You are more aware and happier. Don't base your beliefs on what someone tells you- a predefined set of values. Search for truth, and wherever you find it, take it and apply it to your life. You'll know what's truly right for you and truly wrong for you- because it will bring you lasting joy. Not superficial happiness, but real, true joy down to your core. You're happy, because you're living what you believe. Just be open to everything you hear, and don't judge. Concern yourself with your own pursuit of happiness, not other's. It's not your responsibility to decide their standards for them. It's all preference anyway. You don't get mad at someone if they have a different favorite color. You don't try to make them believe that your favorite color is the best color. You accept that you both have different tastes and let it go. Why is it so easy with colors, and yet more difficult than anything to be open to the fact that other people have different religious and moral ideas than you? It doesn't make any sense to try to make other people adhere to your values. Everyone has the right to their own opinion. REMEMBER, it may be wrong to you, but to them, it may be the rightest thing in the world. And the glorious thing happes to be that you are both right.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
My Bucket List.
This was written about 2 years ago, so the ones with (X)'s are obviously, the ones I have completed since then. :)Before I die, I want to...
-Love someone unconditionally and have them love me back
-Act in a movie
-Record a cd and have it sell billions of copies
-Look in a mirror and love everything about myself, even my flaws
-Go skydiving
-Take a cross country trip to california and live in my car
-Stand on top of the eiffel tower
(X) Meet ryan ross
(X) Watch the sunrise with someone special
-Walk the entire appalachian trail
-Write a book
-Get organized and stay that way
-Develop my own handwriting and make it pretty
-Learn how to play the drums
(X) Love my friends
(X) Watch a lightning storm and appreciate it's beauty instead of being afraid
-Make an outfit and wear it
-Ride the aerosmith rockin roller coaster 100 times in a row
(X)Write a song that helps someone
-Adopt a little girl
-Let go of my grudges
-Visit egypt
(X) Forgive myself
-Re-enact the romantic scenes of the notebook with someone I love
-Kiss in the rain
-Make someone's day
-Write a song that makes people cry
-Paint a house
-Read the entire Lord Of the Rings Series
(X) Stop being afraid of the dark
-Sleep under the stars
-Jump into a pile of leaves in the fall
-Sew a quilt
(X) Get kissed
-Learn to do a backflip on the trampoline
-Buy a pet snake
-Dye my hair a crazy color
-Climb a really tall tree and just sit there for a while, thinking about life.
-Learn tae-bo
-Listen to nothing but instrumental music for one week
-Love everyone
(X) Think positively
-Fight for something I believe in
-Create a charity for kids with autism
-Read all of shakespeare's plays
-Learn how to do a split
-Paint a picture and hang it on my wall
-Rock someone's world
-Be someone's purpose for living.
-Steal a street sign.
-Spend the night in a cemetery.
-Move on from things that are holding me back
(X)Live in the moment
-Drive to Utah with Elsie and eat at the beehive place.
-Add to this list!
-Love someone unconditionally and have them love me back
-Act in a movie
-Record a cd and have it sell billions of copies
-Look in a mirror and love everything about myself, even my flaws
-Go skydiving
-Take a cross country trip to california and live in my car
-Stand on top of the eiffel tower
(X) Meet ryan ross
(X) Watch the sunrise with someone special
-Walk the entire appalachian trail
-Write a book
-Get organized and stay that way
-Develop my own handwriting and make it pretty
-Learn how to play the drums
(X) Love my friends
(X) Watch a lightning storm and appreciate it's beauty instead of being afraid
-Make an outfit and wear it
-Ride the aerosmith rockin roller coaster 100 times in a row
(X)Write a song that helps someone
-Adopt a little girl
-Let go of my grudges
-Visit egypt
(X) Forgive myself
-Re-enact the romantic scenes of the notebook with someone I love
-Kiss in the rain
-Make someone's day
-Write a song that makes people cry
-Paint a house
-Read the entire Lord Of the Rings Series
(X) Stop being afraid of the dark
-Sleep under the stars
-Jump into a pile of leaves in the fall
-Sew a quilt
(X) Get kissed
-Learn to do a backflip on the trampoline
-Buy a pet snake
-Dye my hair a crazy color
-Climb a really tall tree and just sit there for a while, thinking about life.
-Learn tae-bo
-Listen to nothing but instrumental music for one week
-Love everyone
(X) Think positively
-Fight for something I believe in
-Create a charity for kids with autism
-Read all of shakespeare's plays
-Learn how to do a split
-Paint a picture and hang it on my wall
-Rock someone's world
-Be someone's purpose for living.
-Steal a street sign.
-Spend the night in a cemetery.
-Move on from things that are holding me back
(X)Live in the moment
-Drive to Utah with Elsie and eat at the beehive place.
-Add to this list!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I Never Know What To Say.
I just lose it. I might be able to chose words that rhyme well, and set up pretty sentences. I can use frills and ornaments, and make poetic remarks until the sun sinks under the ocean. But when it comes down to something real, I never know which words to use. They fall out of my mouth awkwardly and hit the floor with a *thud* at the moment I most need them to soar- at the moments when someone needs me. I cannot express empathy or sympathy through my words. I stutter and stammer and babble on with useless cliches until I finally embarrass myself into silence. I can't stand it. I hate seeing people I love upset and not being able to do anything about it. I wish I always knew what to say. I wish I had answers and advice for everyone who ever needed me, and I wish I could say it in a way that made sense and could make them feel better. I wish I knew what they wanted to hear, and I wish I knew what they needed to hear, and I wish I knew how to combine the two into a piece of wonderful wisdom. But sadly enough, it's beyond me, and I suppose I'll have to live with it. However, please know, if I'm silent, it's not because I don't understand what you're going through or because I don't want to 'deal with it'. I'm standing there thinking, and wishing I could say what I was feeling at the moment. But I'll stand there, and I'll tell you what I tell everyone.Really and truly though, I mean it. All of those useless cliches may be banal, but they're still tried and true. It really IS okay, and I really AM here for you if you need to talk. I truly DO support you, and you truly ARE a wonderful, amazing, beautiful person- you wouldn't be my friend if you weren't. But most of all, you WILL make it through this and be stronger for it. I promise, heart and soul. And even if you've heard it a million times from a million different people, I mean it with all of the sincerity, honesty, and empathy in my being, and I apologize many times over for not being able to say it with more grace. I love all of you, and I am absolutely certain you can face whatever life hands you with courage, grace, and determination- just keep a center of peace and happiness.
One Of My Favorite Songs, Covered By One Of The Most Talented People I Know.
So, I first saw Dane at an audtion for the HC talent show. He was trying out with the song Benny and The Jets, and I was absolutely blown away by his sheer talent. We had a few mutual friends, but I didn't really see him again until driver's ed class- where, lo and behold, I found out that not only was he fantastically talented, but he was a genuinely nice person. By the time he flew back onto my radar again, hearing him at the mexican place on Eagles Landing Friday, I was convinced I had to share his music with all of the wonderful and amazing readers of my blog. I don't normally use my blog for solicitation, but really and truly, he is absolutely amazing and I think you'll benefit from hearing his music. So, without further explanation, here is the video- Dane Hildreth, covering Drops of Jupiter by Train. :)
Like this? Like it on facebook too. :) http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dane-Hildreth/101183839938309?ref=ts
Like this? Like it on facebook too. :) http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dane-Hildreth/101183839938309?ref=ts
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
A Love Letter To Someone Who Used to Be Somebody, But Now They're Just Nobody.
Because I am far too lazy to actually write a blog today off the top of my head, after having been at school for something like 13 hours, what I am typing now was written in the past- maybe 4 years ago, maybe two months ago, maybe some time in between. This is where the not-honesty part comes in. I will say that the irony in this is that I was right on every count, and also wrong on every count. Oh well. It sure sounds pretty. My love letter to nobody:
I see you. I'm looking at you from across the room, sneaking glances when I think you aren't looking.I'm hiding this note from the people sitting around me, even though there aren't any names on it, even though nobody could ever guess who it's about unless they knew me well enough to read my mind. Haha, that's a joke though. No one knows me that well- no one ever does. But still- if someone reads it, it might break the spell. I lied when I said that shirt looks especially good on you. Everything looks good on you- there has ceased to be an 'especially' when it comes to you. I can't belive it; it shouldn't be possible how magical you are. The artifical lights are out, and the sun from the small window behind you is hitting your face at an angle, lighting up half of your beautiful features- the planes of the face, the color of your eyes, the shine of your hair. Half of your face is in the shadows, but instead of taking away from your incomprehensible otherworldliness, it adds depth and meaning to your face... and god, you're beautiful. All I want is to be back on the couch all snuggled up to you where I can listen to you breathing and feel your heartbeat. And I'm so scared. I'm terrified, really. I don't want this to end. I don't want this to turn out like everything else, all screwed up and me wishing it never happened. I want to listen to you talk, to hear your opinion on every little thing and never get bored. I want to make you happy and cheer you up when you're having a bad day. I want you to hold my hand when I want to cry. I want to see you smile and feel my soul fly. I want months and months and months of stupid movies curled up on the couch together ahead of us. Really, I want an 'us' period. I think that simply being in your orbit, simply knowing you exist is enough to give me enough hope to at least try to get through this crazy thing called life, at least for a little while. I can't explain it to you, it just is. I'm around you, and I'm the person I want to be. I look at you, and I can't see anything else. I hear your voice, and my favorite song sounds flat and emotionless by comparison. I'm next to you, and there's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be. I hope that one day, I can give you at least part of the happiness you've given me.
Sincerely,
nobody, as well.
I see you. I'm looking at you from across the room, sneaking glances when I think you aren't looking.I'm hiding this note from the people sitting around me, even though there aren't any names on it, even though nobody could ever guess who it's about unless they knew me well enough to read my mind. Haha, that's a joke though. No one knows me that well- no one ever does. But still- if someone reads it, it might break the spell. I lied when I said that shirt looks especially good on you. Everything looks good on you- there has ceased to be an 'especially' when it comes to you. I can't belive it; it shouldn't be possible how magical you are. The artifical lights are out, and the sun from the small window behind you is hitting your face at an angle, lighting up half of your beautiful features- the planes of the face, the color of your eyes, the shine of your hair. Half of your face is in the shadows, but instead of taking away from your incomprehensible otherworldliness, it adds depth and meaning to your face... and god, you're beautiful. All I want is to be back on the couch all snuggled up to you where I can listen to you breathing and feel your heartbeat. And I'm so scared. I'm terrified, really. I don't want this to end. I don't want this to turn out like everything else, all screwed up and me wishing it never happened. I want to listen to you talk, to hear your opinion on every little thing and never get bored. I want to make you happy and cheer you up when you're having a bad day. I want you to hold my hand when I want to cry. I want to see you smile and feel my soul fly. I want months and months and months of stupid movies curled up on the couch together ahead of us. Really, I want an 'us' period. I think that simply being in your orbit, simply knowing you exist is enough to give me enough hope to at least try to get through this crazy thing called life, at least for a little while. I can't explain it to you, it just is. I'm around you, and I'm the person I want to be. I look at you, and I can't see anything else. I hear your voice, and my favorite song sounds flat and emotionless by comparison. I'm next to you, and there's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be. I hope that one day, I can give you at least part of the happiness you've given me.
Sincerely,
nobody, as well.
Monday, September 6, 2010
I was BORN a writer- and this was my FIRST POEM EVER.
So, I am aware I have already written today's blog. But as I was going through my bookshelf, I found an extremely old diary of mine, and thought you all might enjoy some of my 5 year old poetry. NOTE AS TO THE SUBJECT OF THE POEM. The Hobbit was the first novel I ever read (with the help of my father), and I was really super obsessed with it for a while.
Okay, here goes, in exact replica- spelling errors (*cringe*) and all.
A hobbit Halloween Powum!
The Spiders skrem on Holloween
as the hobbits dress with frigt.
everey thing is not normel
on Holloween nigt!
*sigh* Once a poet, always a poet. Frigt and nigt are supposed to be fright and night, I believe, and I think you can figure out the rest. Ah, I want to go back in time and give little me some spehleeng typz.
Okay, here goes, in exact replica- spelling errors (*cringe*) and all.
A hobbit Halloween Powum!
The Spiders skrem on Holloween
as the hobbits dress with frigt.
everey thing is not normel
on Holloween nigt!
*sigh* Once a poet, always a poet. Frigt and nigt are supposed to be fright and night, I believe, and I think you can figure out the rest. Ah, I want to go back in time and give little me some spehleeng typz.
Having a Bad Day?
Parents angry at you? Phone broken? Dog die? Friends angry at you? Upset in general? Well here are a few things to be grateful for, and think about instead. <3
-music
-poetry
-glowsticks
-sleeping in
-snickers bars
-stars
-sunstes
-sunrises
-possibilities
-being silly
-beautiful dreams
-enchanted places
-dr.pepper
-bestfriends
-swings
-making plans
-making friends
-making memories
-surprises
-sunshine
-rainy days
-passing notes
-taking pictures
-city skylines
-rollercoasters
-chai tea
-small towns
-road trips
-building sand castles
-writing
-big hugs
-fireflies
-laughing
-anything watermelon flavored
-adventures
-purple highlighters
-air conditioning
-good health
-blue skies
-nail polish
-leaves in the fall
-secret crushes
-bubble baths
-sleeping in
-learning new things
-fresh cut flowers
-happily-ever-afters. :)
-music
-poetry
-glowsticks
-sleeping in
-snickers bars
-stars
-sunstes
-sunrises
-possibilities
-being silly
-beautiful dreams
-enchanted places
-dr.pepper
-bestfriends
-swings
-making plans
-making friends
-making memories
-surprises
-sunshine
-rainy days
-passing notes
-taking pictures
-city skylines
-rollercoasters
-chai tea
-small towns
-road trips
-building sand castles
-writing
-big hugs
-fireflies
-laughing
-anything watermelon flavored
-adventures
-purple highlighters
-air conditioning
-good health
-blue skies
-nail polish
-leaves in the fall
-secret crushes
-bubble baths
-sleeping in
-learning new things
-fresh cut flowers
-happily-ever-afters. :)
Sunday, September 5, 2010
We've Cracked the Relationship Timeline!
Kayla Travis has it down to a science. Did you even know that almost all relationships follow a basic timeline? Seriously, as you're reading this, think of all of the realtionships you've seen and participated in. You will be amazed. I'm going to do this in increments of weeks, but depending on you personally, or the situation, it can quite easily be converted to days or months.
DAY ONE- The realtionship begins.
WEEK ONE- An extremely awkward period.You're figruing out boundaries and things, and getting used to being in the realtionship in general. However, regardless of how awkward it is, you are enthralled with the new relationship.
WEEKS TWO TO FIVE- This is the 'honeymoon' phase. Your boyfriend/girlfriend is absoltely perfect. You say you'll never want anyone else and usually start claiming you're in love.
WEEKS FIVE-SIX- At this point, you begin to figure out qualities about your significant other that seriously annoy you. However. you still "love" them, so you overlook these flaws.
WEEK SEVEN- These flaws seriously start to grate on your nerves. You may have arguments with your boyfriend/girlfriend and at least consider breaking up with them.
WEEK EIGHT- This is the major turning point of the realtionship. The aforestated flaws generally either trigger the breakup, or far less often, you learn to overlook them or learn to live with them. If your relationship falls into the second category, congratulations! You've offically moved past the Realtionship Timeline and into something that might actually last for a while.
If you think about it, most highschool relationships fit into this timeline and these stages. SO, next time something's going on in your relationship, consider the timeline. Don't be confused, be aware. :D
DAY ONE- The realtionship begins.
WEEK ONE- An extremely awkward period.You're figruing out boundaries and things, and getting used to being in the realtionship in general. However, regardless of how awkward it is, you are enthralled with the new relationship.
WEEKS TWO TO FIVE- This is the 'honeymoon' phase. Your boyfriend/girlfriend is absoltely perfect. You say you'll never want anyone else and usually start claiming you're in love.
WEEKS FIVE-SIX- At this point, you begin to figure out qualities about your significant other that seriously annoy you. However. you still "love" them, so you overlook these flaws.
WEEK SEVEN- These flaws seriously start to grate on your nerves. You may have arguments with your boyfriend/girlfriend and at least consider breaking up with them.
WEEK EIGHT- This is the major turning point of the realtionship. The aforestated flaws generally either trigger the breakup, or far less often, you learn to overlook them or learn to live with them. If your relationship falls into the second category, congratulations! You've offically moved past the Realtionship Timeline and into something that might actually last for a while.
If you think about it, most highschool relationships fit into this timeline and these stages. SO, next time something's going on in your relationship, consider the timeline. Don't be confused, be aware. :D
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Why NOT to stress out over things you really can't control.
So, I felt like writing a new blog, and the first subject that came to me is stress in people's life. Stress is today's expression of the previous millenium's 'fight or flight' response- basically, your body and brain are recieving mass amounts of adrenaline and other chemicals. Obviously, this was useful back in the day when you were being chased by a bear, but, again, obviously, you weren't chased by a bear every day. Your body wasn't made to get huge doses of these chemichals on a regular basis. These chemicals were made to ensure your immediate safety- which means everything else (growth, reproduction, the immune system, blood flow to the skin) goes on hold. As you can see by the importance of these "on hold" areas, repeated and long term exposure to these chemicals can seriously damage your health. So why are we as a society always so stressed out over thigs that we can't control? Take these for example.
1. (my favorite<3) TRAFFIC. Look, you're stuck bumper to bumper, you can't get through... so why get mad? You can't drive through the cars. Just turn on your radio, and smile. Enjoy the weather, make up a story in your head, something. There's nothing you can do, so why get mad?
2. POLITICS. You voted, right? Well you've done just about everything you can do within reason, unless you want to get out and run for office yourself, or start a massive movement. Again, just smile. A positive outlook can do wonders. Just try to do the best you can with your family and your values.
3. ANYTHING SOMEONE ELSE SAYS TO YOU. Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me. You will not change someone else's opinon, you just won't. So don't freak out about a rude comment or pushiness or a different opinion. It's just a bunch of sound waves in your ear. SMILE and go about your day. Even if this person is someone you love and respect, if they are treating you badly, it means that they are unhappy. That doesn't mean you have to be.
And those are just examples. Deepak Chopra has some really great advice. If you feel upset or stressed, STOP and think about it. What's REALLY making you unhappy? If it's something you can't change anyway, look at it with a positive point of view. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it can do wonders. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's more than likely going to be stress in your life. But here's a good indicator of if you have too much: you can be whatever during the day, but if you come home in the evenings and go to bed stressed out, you're pushing it. You need to be able to recenter and be happy and calm for a period each day- that happiness and calmness needs to be what is your base, your foundation for life. NOT stress. You aren't just damaging yourself mentally, you're doing serious harm to yourself physically. So my challenge to YOU is to stop and think next time you're stressed about something- it could change your outlook on life.
1. (my favorite<3) TRAFFIC. Look, you're stuck bumper to bumper, you can't get through... so why get mad? You can't drive through the cars. Just turn on your radio, and smile. Enjoy the weather, make up a story in your head, something. There's nothing you can do, so why get mad?
2. POLITICS. You voted, right? Well you've done just about everything you can do within reason, unless you want to get out and run for office yourself, or start a massive movement. Again, just smile. A positive outlook can do wonders. Just try to do the best you can with your family and your values.
3. ANYTHING SOMEONE ELSE SAYS TO YOU. Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me. You will not change someone else's opinon, you just won't. So don't freak out about a rude comment or pushiness or a different opinion. It's just a bunch of sound waves in your ear. SMILE and go about your day. Even if this person is someone you love and respect, if they are treating you badly, it means that they are unhappy. That doesn't mean you have to be.
And those are just examples. Deepak Chopra has some really great advice. If you feel upset or stressed, STOP and think about it. What's REALLY making you unhappy? If it's something you can't change anyway, look at it with a positive point of view. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it can do wonders. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's more than likely going to be stress in your life. But here's a good indicator of if you have too much: you can be whatever during the day, but if you come home in the evenings and go to bed stressed out, you're pushing it. You need to be able to recenter and be happy and calm for a period each day- that happiness and calmness needs to be what is your base, your foundation for life. NOT stress. You aren't just damaging yourself mentally, you're doing serious harm to yourself physically. So my challenge to YOU is to stop and think next time you're stressed about something- it could change your outlook on life.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
My Newest Roommate.
You can player hate
On my new room mate. <3
Well, excuse the lame rap rhyme. but legit, this is working out wonderfully. I couldn't have asked for anyone cooler. :D We're getting into a routine, with walking and shopping and cooking and sleeping. You know, some people would think it's lame to have your grandmother living with you, but I think it's GREAT. No lies. <3 But anyway, I can't seem to get my internet connection working again, so I'm still camped out in the office.
Today's lesson is on drama. And no, I do not mean the good kind, with stage right and masks and lines. I'm talking about the miserable, fighting with your friends, making new enemies drama.
It's not worth it.
The people in your life causing drama aren't worth it.
You, however ARE worth it.
You're worth living a life with a low stress level, lots of friends, and plenty of happiness. Get rid of people causing drama. You will feel so much better.
On my new room mate. <3
Well, excuse the lame rap rhyme. but legit, this is working out wonderfully. I couldn't have asked for anyone cooler. :D We're getting into a routine, with walking and shopping and cooking and sleeping. You know, some people would think it's lame to have your grandmother living with you, but I think it's GREAT. No lies. <3 But anyway, I can't seem to get my internet connection working again, so I'm still camped out in the office.
Today's lesson is on drama. And no, I do not mean the good kind, with stage right and masks and lines. I'm talking about the miserable, fighting with your friends, making new enemies drama.
It's not worth it.
The people in your life causing drama aren't worth it.
You, however ARE worth it.
You're worth living a life with a low stress level, lots of friends, and plenty of happiness. Get rid of people causing drama. You will feel so much better.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Here is me, boring you with a post about my week that I'm sure you don't really care about. (with a short life lesson at the end)
So, it's 9 pm and I SHOULD be doing homework, and I will be in a short moment, but I am allowing myself 15 minutes to blog about recent happenings in life. <3 I KNOW that with all day to think about it, I should have a ridiculously wonderful and life changing lesson to give you, but really? It's been an extra long week- it's been an extra long day. Not complaining by any means, I'm the best one off at my house. Mom's sick, Justin's sick, Lamont's stressed, and well, Jordan may be okay, I'm not quite sure at the moment. We just got done with some cleaning and some readjusting- I have a new roommate! Introducing, my woderful Memaw! I'm gonna finish up my homework, then maybe watch a movie with her? We'll see, we'll see. :) My interweb isn't working, so I'm on my mom's computer, btw. Not sure why that matters, BUT HEY. Drama auditions for the christmas show were today- I'd bet you five hundred dollars I will be cast as the ditz. I always have been, ever since seventh grade. It was the first part I read, and it just looks as though it's the one everyone was impressed with. Typecasting?! I think not. But hey- I play a stupid girl, I ask a stupid question. What am I supposed to do, look smart? Apparently not. But anyway, since I have started typing, I have come up with my epic lesson. It's not really mine, actually, to be honest, I'm borrowing from Dr.Shaw. But here are some tips for driving that you should ALWAYS FOLLOW.
1. DO NOT TEXT AND DRIVE. Texting while driving is the equivalent of having four beers and getting behind the wheel. It's not just affecting you, it's affecting other people.
2. NEVER USE CRUISE CONTROL IN THE RAIN. You have an infinitely greater chance of hydroplaning, which I'm assuming is something you want to avoid.
3. GO AHEAD AND HIT THE DEER. If you swerve to the left, you swerve into oncoming traffic. Swerve to the right, you hit a fence or a tree or a telephone pole or you fall down an embankment. Slam on your breaks the best you possibly can, but just hit it if you have to.
And there is your epic life lesson for today. I should have a better one by tommrow, when I have time to work on my OWN LAPTOP. Love to you all. <3
1. DO NOT TEXT AND DRIVE. Texting while driving is the equivalent of having four beers and getting behind the wheel. It's not just affecting you, it's affecting other people.
2. NEVER USE CRUISE CONTROL IN THE RAIN. You have an infinitely greater chance of hydroplaning, which I'm assuming is something you want to avoid.
3. GO AHEAD AND HIT THE DEER. If you swerve to the left, you swerve into oncoming traffic. Swerve to the right, you hit a fence or a tree or a telephone pole or you fall down an embankment. Slam on your breaks the best you possibly can, but just hit it if you have to.
And there is your epic life lesson for today. I should have a better one by tommrow, when I have time to work on my OWN LAPTOP. Love to you all. <3
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Should I Sing the Descant, or be a Good Example?? // Good Boys/Girls in Henry County versus True Beauty
AUGUST 30
So, I have found my most recent ally in William- I think we can make it through this year together. We're both members of the Spivey Hall Children's Choir. For various reasons (financial for me, not sure about him), we had to move from the part of the choir that tours to the part of the choir that well, doesn't. It's been one heck of a transition. Of course we're nostalgic, and we miss all of our friends in tour choir, but I think we're happy to have someone else to share the experience with. It's pretty legit- Spivey is a beautiful place full of beautiful personalities, where we make beautiful music, and it is such an honor for me to be a part of it. Dr. Shaw is one of my heroes. She directs the choir, and throughout my many years with her, she's taught me so many important lessons, from going ahead and hitting the deer, to kindness, to personal greatness, to how to act in a college interview. (I'm Serious.... 'everything i need to know i learned in childern's choir'. period.) She is such an amazing lady, and I am proud to call her my adopted mom. <3 I hope to enjoy the rest of my amazing Mondays in that amazing choir.
AUGUST 31
I am SO SICK of my friends basing their self image off of some guy or girl they like!! It's maddening to see my best friend sell herself short just because she wouldn't compromise her ideals, or my other wonderful friend down on himself because the girl he likes isn't smart enough to return the sentiment. And then there's the mass amount of friends I have who are convinced that something is wrong with them JUST because they aren't in a relationship. I've just about had it. I can see how beautiful, and smart, and wonderful and talented and amazing and god knows how many other adjectives these people are, and yet they still think they aren't good enough. It breaks my heart, really and truly. Please, I'd like to send a message to all of you who base your self esteem on someone else, it's NOT WORTH IT. You are a wonderful, whole person. Why do you want a 'soul mate' anyway? To quote Naomi and Eli's NO Kiss List, "I don't want half a shared soul. I want my own damn soul." And to be completely legit, Henry County is kind of a fail. There aren't many people here who can truly appreciate what's in front of them. As for me? I'm taking to one of my best friends, and that's how it should be. I was happy by myself as a complete person, and he enriches my life. It's like an outfit- he's the diamond earrings. They're GREAT, but I have to wear other things to. I just beg you to be comfortable with yourself, and love yourself. You can do so many wonderful things. And when your special someone comes along and knocks you off your feet (and they will, I promise), let them enrich your life- don't let them BE it. You owe it to yourself and them- You aren't half of the same piece, you're complimentary beautiful items on your own.
So, I have found my most recent ally in William- I think we can make it through this year together. We're both members of the Spivey Hall Children's Choir. For various reasons (financial for me, not sure about him), we had to move from the part of the choir that tours to the part of the choir that well, doesn't. It's been one heck of a transition. Of course we're nostalgic, and we miss all of our friends in tour choir, but I think we're happy to have someone else to share the experience with. It's pretty legit- Spivey is a beautiful place full of beautiful personalities, where we make beautiful music, and it is such an honor for me to be a part of it. Dr. Shaw is one of my heroes. She directs the choir, and throughout my many years with her, she's taught me so many important lessons, from going ahead and hitting the deer, to kindness, to personal greatness, to how to act in a college interview. (I'm Serious.... 'everything i need to know i learned in childern's choir'. period.) She is such an amazing lady, and I am proud to call her my adopted mom. <3 I hope to enjoy the rest of my amazing Mondays in that amazing choir.
AUGUST 31
I am SO SICK of my friends basing their self image off of some guy or girl they like!! It's maddening to see my best friend sell herself short just because she wouldn't compromise her ideals, or my other wonderful friend down on himself because the girl he likes isn't smart enough to return the sentiment. And then there's the mass amount of friends I have who are convinced that something is wrong with them JUST because they aren't in a relationship. I've just about had it. I can see how beautiful, and smart, and wonderful and talented and amazing and god knows how many other adjectives these people are, and yet they still think they aren't good enough. It breaks my heart, really and truly. Please, I'd like to send a message to all of you who base your self esteem on someone else, it's NOT WORTH IT. You are a wonderful, whole person. Why do you want a 'soul mate' anyway? To quote Naomi and Eli's NO Kiss List, "I don't want half a shared soul. I want my own damn soul." And to be completely legit, Henry County is kind of a fail. There aren't many people here who can truly appreciate what's in front of them. As for me? I'm taking to one of my best friends, and that's how it should be. I was happy by myself as a complete person, and he enriches my life. It's like an outfit- he's the diamond earrings. They're GREAT, but I have to wear other things to. I just beg you to be comfortable with yourself, and love yourself. You can do so many wonderful things. And when your special someone comes along and knocks you off your feet (and they will, I promise), let them enrich your life- don't let them BE it. You owe it to yourself and them- You aren't half of the same piece, you're complimentary beautiful items on your own.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Kayla and Kara are TAYLORGANG BOSSES. (warning: offensive material)
Honoring the recent revelation that this blog is morbid as crap, I'd like to be premature here and crown my big sister Kayla Travis the QUEEN OF TAYLOR GANG. <3 What an honor. For all of you who live under rocks, Taylor Gang is a group of people associated with the amazing WIZ KHALIFA. The saying is "TAYLORGANG OR DIE", but we like to get a tad bit more creative. We had a Taylor Gang war tonight on facebook, which really didn't prove anything except that we are fairly demented. From 10-11:30 tonght, the contest was, 'who can make a better taylorgang slogan?'
here are a few of the more great/horrifying ones:
"taylor gang or lick a chainsaw"
"taylorgang or bound, tortured, killed"
"taylor gang or go hunting with that guy who went hunting with his kid and shot the kid cause he thought the kid was a turkey."
"taylorgang or dress as a jew and get sealed inside Al Capone’s vault with a phalanx of Neo-nazis armed with folding chairs"
"taylor gang or get bubonic plague and have big bags of black skin full of puss on your neck and armpits. then bump against a table and have the bag of pus burst and squirt into your mouth."
"taylor gang or stab yourself to death with colored pencils"
"taylorgang or get infested and colonized by scabies mites (eyeless, brainless parasites unique to humans—perfectly evolved to afflict us) ,Succumb to the maddening itch, and skin yourself alive."
yes, we have psychological issues, don't judge. but anyway, we duked it out for an hour and a half. it's voting time, open to members of facebook, and she prettymuch is taylorganging me. :) because she is epic. go congratulate her in this exciting honor, will you? <333
here are a few of the more great/horrifying ones:
"taylor gang or lick a chainsaw"
"taylorgang or bound, tortured, killed"
"taylor gang or go hunting with that guy who went hunting with his kid and shot the kid cause he thought the kid was a turkey."
"taylorgang or dress as a jew and get sealed inside Al Capone’s vault with a phalanx of Neo-nazis armed with folding chairs"
"taylor gang or get bubonic plague and have big bags of black skin full of puss on your neck and armpits. then bump against a table and have the bag of pus burst and squirt into your mouth."
"taylor gang or stab yourself to death with colored pencils"
"taylorgang or get infested and colonized by scabies mites (eyeless, brainless parasites unique to humans—perfectly evolved to afflict us) ,Succumb to the maddening itch, and skin yourself alive."
yes, we have psychological issues, don't judge. but anyway, we duked it out for an hour and a half. it's voting time, open to members of facebook, and she prettymuch is taylorganging me. :) because she is epic. go congratulate her in this exciting honor, will you? <333
Friday, August 27, 2010
It's a Boy!!!!
So, I am now offically the mommy of an ADORABLE baby boy, Alexander Brayden Ross. (For those of you who know me, you know my obsession with Ryan Ross, and you can put together the last name. :D) He goes by Brayden, and he was delivered at 3:57 pm today! And by 4:30, he was dead. OKAY, so in light of the recent circumstances, that wasn't in the best taste. I got my electronic baby in Human Growth and Development today. Mine's a hispanic baby boy- YES, it comes equipped, and I am VERY sure of it's gender. :o. But I DID think I killed it. It started crying, at 4;15, and then all of a sudden clickclickclicked, and went SILENT. I couldn't get it to cry or anything! I was highly distraught, and seriously questioning my parenting abilities. HOWEVER, I took little Brayden to the game and his godmother (my teacher) managed to fix it.... his battery was dead. I went through some extreme emotional distress worrying about him, though. GOSH, parenting is so stressful. Everyone remind me not to get pregnant? Thanks! haha. Supposedly, he is reset and will start crying around 11 tonight... I guess I'll let you guys know how that goes. Buddha, grant me patience. Expect updates on Brayden tommorow all. <3
Thursday, August 26, 2010
An Ocean of Blue
Today was the most emotionally drained I've been in a long time. I seriously came home and crashed. But when I woke up, I knew what I was going to write this about, and that is the absolute unity that Union Grove High School was invvolved in today. Let's all be honest- we are just like every other school. We have feuds, we hold grudges. This group of people doesn't like that group of people; you're mean to me so I'm going to be mean back. We have our 20 or so friends that we like and hang out with, and we either dislike or ignore everyone else. Don't deny it, because you know it's true. We dislike on principle, and that's strong and hard to put aside. But simply the fact that, as I walked into the commons area and was hit by a sea of blue was enough to bring me to tears. It was the most amazing sight I've ever seen. For those of you who don't know, blue was Jeremy Hawkin's favorite color, and a mass text message was sent around instructing people to wear blue in his memory. It was the fastest moving text I think I've ever seen- I recieved it from about 6 people and sent it to everyone in my contacts list. People that profess to hate each other were all a part of it. What truly hit me was when I saw all of the people I was fighting with, the people I claim to dislike, all wearing blue just like I was. It's a grieving process. For everyone. It's knocked us all onto the same level- we're all hurt, we're all confused, and we're all a little scared. But it's okay, because it brought us together. You know, I didn't know Jeremy Hawkins. But if he loved people anywhere near as much as everyone said he did, It's my opinion that he'd be proud that the tradgedy of his death was able to bring us together. I think he'd be glad that, if it was in fate's cards that he had to die, then at least it had a positive impact. Thank you Jeremy, for everything you've taught us, and everything you're still teaching us. It means a great deal.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Today- Mortality, and Living.
To be entirely honest, I didn't even know Jeremy Hawkins. I can't tell you facts about his personality. I can't tell you what he liked or disliked. I can't even tell you what he looked like. And yet, he has impacted me. I'd like to first offer my empathy and sympathy to anyone who knew him, as well as to his family and Mac. To be honest, I almost feel like I'm making a big scene over something I don't deserve to be upset about. And in a strange way, I suppose, I am. Like I said, I didn't know him. But it shook me up, beyond anything. It's highschool. We aren't supposed to know about these things yet-we're supposed to be invincible. To those who aren't aware of the story, Jeremy Hawkins, a student at Union Grove High School, died today. It was nobody's fault, but a tragic accident. I can't even begin to explain my views on this here. It's something inexplicable, to have mortality pushed in front of you to ponder and explain to yourself. It makes you question your firmest beliefs, and spins you around in circles. It was the strangest thing, when Amada came into the room after school and told us he didn't make it. I guess I just thought he would. I didn't even notice I was crying until Erin asked if I needed a hug. I guess what it did more than anything was make me think. It made me think long and hard. It prompted alot of confessions out of me. For example, even jst right now, I feel more inclined to tell people that I love them, more ready to talk to people that I don't really like, more inspired to repair burned bridges and make new ones. I really think that good can come out of this, as terrible as it is. Maybe if people realize how fragile life can be, they can make the most of it instead of wasting it on petty and stupid arguments and grudges. Live for now, and don't hurt people. Think twice before something nasty comes out of your mouth. They're basic life lessons, but sometimes it makes something drastic for them to mean anything. Please, please don't let this happen in vain. Good can come out of any situation, and that is what needs to happen here. If nothing else, say one kind thing, just one, to someone you usually wouldn't. Let them know you appreciate them, or admire them, or respect them. Then, stop from saying one, just one, cruel thing. Think of him when you do it. Think of what you would do if it were your last day. Because life is too precious to waste.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
new blog for kara?
i'll be straight up with you all before i start- i'm not an honest blogger. songs, poems, stories- that i can do. honest opinions and tales? not so much. i'm not much of one for starting drama or controversy, and debates where people try to talk me out of my opinon tend to irritate me. the rules here are: don't read it if you don't like it, don't be immature, and DON'T try to tell me i'm wrong. it's my blog for chrissakes, and my opinions. it's right to me, and if you want to have somewhere where you're always right, go get your own blog. sound fair to everyone? good. so, back to the original point- if i tell a story, 9/10 times i will change names and alter what happened just beyond the point of recognition. don't guess. if you get it wrong, i will laugh and tell you that you are wrong. if you get it right, i will laugh and tell you that you are wrong. sound similar? let's hope so. also, to let everyone know, i'm usually much nicer and less sarcastic when my muse (liam-more about him later) is sitting on my shoulder. basically, my tone's usually much softer when i write. but i supose this is an intro, and intros are meant to catch attention. you'll see later on once i really get into this. but back to the bit about liam. liam (LEE-ahm) is my invisible, elusive little muse who sits on my shoulder and whispers ideas and lyrics to me. some might call him inspiration, but liam was a much more appealing name to me. i picked it for a few reasons. first of all, liam is a shortened form of william. william is a reference to william shakespeare- because of the writing aspect. liam also means, however, 'my people'. and that's who i'm hoping to write for- you. people. everything i write is written for someone else- to enjoy, to feel, to think about. i don't care about influencing you... i just want to connect with you. i guess i sort of hope that on some level, everyone can find something to relate to here in some way or another. writing to me isn't about letting out words, it's about letting out emotions and thoughts. i really appreciate you taking the time to read this, and hope you'll consider checking back from time to time.
peaceandlove,
kara michelle
peaceandlove,
kara michelle
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)