The OLD you. We were best friends, I thought it could stay that way. I thought I could see if you changed. But I didn't (notice) and you did (change) and now it's different. It's like falling. You look back and you suddenly realize that you're in a different place than you're supposed to be. You crossed that stupid bridge again. Extenuating circumstances, that's what it is. I was reading our old messages, and it hit me. You aren't anybody I recognize anymore. You're a stranger. I know you, but that intense connection we've always had is gone, and I'm left grasping at straws. I guess it's my fault. I guess I crossed that line one too many times, and you got sick and tired of it. I should really just leave you alone so you can be your new self and not have to deal with me anymore. That's what it's getting too. I get it. I'm crazy. You shouldn't have to put up with me... especially when you have such awesome people around you to give you what you need. I love you like a child loves a parent- a kind of desperate love, a dependence. But it's not enough, and I see that now. I hope you're happy, more than anything, and I hope you don't miss me. God, this deja vu is awful. Here I am, where I've dug myself a hole yet again. A very different one than the first, admittedly, but there it is.
It's so hard realizing that your best friend has moved on faster than you- even if it's your fault. It's so hard when you reach that day when you look into their eyes and you see someone you don't know. It's so hard when they aren't the first person you call with news anymore. It's so hard when you're so confused, because their lips say they're here, but their actions don't. And it's so hard when your actions mimic theirs and you end up hurting them again.
I'm on a temporary hiatus from the situation. We'll see how it goes.
No comments:
Post a Comment