Ego

It's a weird thing to realize, but I think I've finally grasped the notion of the 'ego'- the image of ourselves we have and give to others. With all of the reading I've been doing, I've heard the term alot, but never really understood it- until now. When I was little, I'd always think how I'd want people to see me as this or that- I want to seem philosophical, or free spirited, or a leader, or silly. You know, we all do it. We get so caught up in what we want to be percieved as, we conform our opinions, actions, and thoughts to that image. You spend so much time changing your thought patters to fit this image, that they become real. They become natural, habits; ingrained into our brains. But they aren't who we are- obviously, if we wanted to do the same thing all over again- decide on an image and conform all of our habits to it again- we could. I could decide today, that, because it would make me happier and seem more interesting, I wanted to start acting very mysterious and loner- like. I could tell myself I didn't like people; I could delete my facebook; I could throw my phone away; I could quit all of my activities; I could transfer to another school and wear alot of black and never get close to people and carry around a notebook filled with mysterious poetry. And at first, it would be weird for me, but eventually, it would seem natural. Or I could go the other way. I could decide that I wanted to be cool, and a partier. I could sneak out at night; I could drink alot of alcohol; I could buy a ton of short skirts and stop eating to make myself tiny, thin, more attractive. Again, I'd eventually get used to it. I wouldn't have to think, it would be habit. But, it's an image. One I project to myself and others. Regardless of what I DID with myself, I would still be me. I could change my name, I could dye and cut my hair. I could get plastic surgery, I could get colored contacts, I could change my personality and thoughts entirely- but think about it. I'd still be me. Maybe not recognizeable to you, but I would still be there. We identify with our ego. I can say, my name is Kara. I like to sing, I have blue eyes and brown hair, I live in Georgia. But as we went over, all of that can change. Well, if that's true, then who am I? What makes me me? There isn't an easy answer. There's something inside of us far deeper than what we are in this world. I mean, think about it. Most of the world is empty space anyway. Science tells us that everything is made of atoms. Atoms are made up of particles that whirl around huge, empty space. It's our senses that turn all of this empty space and energy into things we can interpret. The whole world is something we interpret. Even your own body is something your senses tell you is there- we're mostly empty space as well.  We aren't our bodies. Well, fine then, are we our minds? Where do your thougths and feelings come from? Exactly? And to where do they disappear? Well, this still doesn't answer they question. Who am I? What can I claim as me? Well, if we're looking at it this way, everything. You're an awareness, you observe. As my ego, my image, changes, there's still something there observing all of that. It's Being. I know, for those of you who haven't read much, this seems odd and abstract, and almost mythical. I can't really explain it by myself. But it's something I've read alot about and really relate to now. If you're interested on more about this particular subject, I would reccommend Power, Freedom, and Grace by Deepak Chopra. He can really explain it.