All I ever blog about anymore is relationships. I feel so shallow. But life's just a dream without the pursuit of love, right? That's what makes everything worth being awake. (Not to say I'm not an independent person, because we all know that's not the problem. ;D ). But, I mean, here we go again. Life is such a cycle, because here i go falling for someone based on an idea of them. I don't know him, but when I spend time with him, I always feel those butterflies when I leave. It's like a rush, you could say. Like someone gave me a shot of happy meds, or something. Thank you lord for chemicals in your brain that rush and make you feel all warm and fuzzy. (: But good god. I'm listening to love songs again. I'm not sure why, it's not like I have a chance. He has every girl at school practically lined up for the chance to date him.
The funny thing is, I knew this and it's the reason I didn't talk to him sooner. He's cute in an adorable little boy way, but I did NOT want to deal with all the competition. But fate is crazy, and we ended up in a situation where we see each other constantly, and now I can understand why his fanclub is so extensive. He's not just cute, he's... I don't even know the word for it. It's like this magnetic force. It's something that makes you want to be around him, to get the most of his attention. I'm not saying I'm that vain, I'm more than happy to just be in his orbit. But I get it, you know? I get why there's a line, even though that unfortunately means that I've inadvertently placed myself in it.
The thing is, I want to tell him. I almost just said it out loud today. I write it in notes, rephrase it. But one thing holds me back- I don't know what I want to happen. Even if by some bizarre twist of fate he chose me, we don't know each other well enough to date. And on the much more likely chance that he rejects me, I don't want to not be around him. It's a tight situation that has me stuck mute. Which is why it's all pouring out here... oh, my poor innocent readers, to subject you to my personal life is something along the lines of inhumane and cruel. BUT, you can x out of the screen, so I feel less guilty for blabbing on. That's the purpose of my writing. Everybody likes to talk about themselves, and I've discovered that it's easier to NOT bore people to death if I vent this way.
IN OTHER NEWS.
Opening night for "Dearly Departed" was tonight, and it went quite well, if I do say so myself. And then an excellent dinner with madre and Kev. Lordy, gotta love the fam. (: (yes, the adopted fam too.)
I've realized that when I get stressed, I turn my life into a book. Like, the voice in my head switches from first person to third person limited omniscient. Am I a total freak, or is this normal for people who devote their whole lives to reading? Food for thought.
ANYWAY. I am EXHAUSTED. So, bed now. <3
The funny thing is, I knew this and it's the reason I didn't talk to him sooner. He's cute in an adorable little boy way, but I did NOT want to deal with all the competition. But fate is crazy, and we ended up in a situation where we see each other constantly, and now I can understand why his fanclub is so extensive. He's not just cute, he's... I don't even know the word for it. It's like this magnetic force. It's something that makes you want to be around him, to get the most of his attention. I'm not saying I'm that vain, I'm more than happy to just be in his orbit. But I get it, you know? I get why there's a line, even though that unfortunately means that I've inadvertently placed myself in it.
The thing is, I want to tell him. I almost just said it out loud today. I write it in notes, rephrase it. But one thing holds me back- I don't know what I want to happen. Even if by some bizarre twist of fate he chose me, we don't know each other well enough to date. And on the much more likely chance that he rejects me, I don't want to not be around him. It's a tight situation that has me stuck mute. Which is why it's all pouring out here... oh, my poor innocent readers, to subject you to my personal life is something along the lines of inhumane and cruel. BUT, you can x out of the screen, so I feel less guilty for blabbing on. That's the purpose of my writing. Everybody likes to talk about themselves, and I've discovered that it's easier to NOT bore people to death if I vent this way.
IN OTHER NEWS.
Opening night for "Dearly Departed" was tonight, and it went quite well, if I do say so myself. And then an excellent dinner with madre and Kev. Lordy, gotta love the fam. (: (yes, the adopted fam too.)
I've realized that when I get stressed, I turn my life into a book. Like, the voice in my head switches from first person to third person limited omniscient. Am I a total freak, or is this normal for people who devote their whole lives to reading? Food for thought.
ANYWAY. I am EXHAUSTED. So, bed now. <3
