These are the facts.

I’ve heard so many theories, and I’m so sick of them. I don’t care how true they are. Maybe that’s why I hate them, because they hit home.  But I don’t care anymore. Nobody else means anything, anything at all. What he said was honest- you were the one person, the only person, I cared about, and you tossed me to the side like I was nothing. He knows the facts, and he understands. What he says makes sense- I should be able to walk away from you without a second glance. I should be able to occupy myself with  a new boy. I should realize you were worthless. I should maybe even go to such extents as to believe you couldn’t deserve me (ha). Hey- that’s what the facts support.  However, love, as you know, facts aren’t everything. “The arguments against insanity fall through with a soft shirring sound” (Stephen King, if you were wondering.) And that’s what this is, a kind of insanity. Facts are useless in the face of the heart; it's just something you have to understand. Here are the kind of facts I understand- the rush I got when you looked at me, the way I fell in love with you the night you held me under the stars, how it was the first time in my life I felt completely safe, the first time I wasn’t afraid, the first time I started to believe in you. And how about the fact that I miss you so much, it makes me sick, and the fact that your eyes are all I can see when I close mine? The fact that once upon a time, you told me you loved me too, and the fact that your feelings must have been just as hurt as mine, at least for a little while? I think those should maybe be accounted for too.  I don’t know, maybe I do just want control back. I do already know I need to grow up. It’s like I’m five, with my fairy tale complex- always convinced of the identity of my Prince Charming, always trapped in my castle of naivety,  always afraid of the monsters in the closet that come out as soon as it’s dark. I’m different, just like everybody else.  But I love you, I do know that. I love you to the depth and breadth of my soul. I love you with every fiber of my being. Even though you don’t know, I love you. I can’t say it enough. It’s always in my thoughts, just like you are. You are one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever known, inside and out. You have my heart, and you have ever since the first time I saw you- back in seventh grade, when I ran up to you out of nowhere to ask you what your name was. You probably thought I was crazy- a little, mixed up, 13 year old staring up at you with huge blue eyes. I’m not even sure if you remember. But I felt so brave after that. I couldn’t explain it to myself; I could only feel the butterflies in my stomach, a preview of the way you make me feel like I’m not on solid ground anymore. I can’t even begin to explain how much of me you are. It’s like you’re part of my very make up- bound to every cell in my body. And I love you. Your name is my favorite word. I could write you poem after song after story, but there’s nothing I could ever say that could convey to you what I mean. Because at the end of the day, when I’m lying in bed, and I see your face right before I fall asleep, I know. You’re all I could ever need. It doesn’t matter if I had to leave everything else, if I had you, I’d be at home. It’s not that you’re perfect- you have flaws just like everyone else. But to quote Ron Pope, you’re perfect for me. It’s like whatever imperfections you have make you more amazing, because you’re real. You’re not fantasy, you’re not make believe, you aren’t a dream. You’re real, and that’s what’s always made me love you. I can’t stop saying it- I LOVE YOU.And that right there is the only fact that matters to me.

I felt like writing you a letter, because I miss you.

Hello Love,
How was your day? Hope it was as wonderful as you are. :) Mine was pretty good, even if I got a 53 on my first Morris Essay... It was expected, so not awful, but a shell shock after being used to 99's and even that one 100 in my Hand Essays. But I'm sure I'll get better at it. It can only help, right? :) It was my first day back at school after the strep stuff, bluck. But rehearsal made it soo much better! Once we all learn our lines well, the show will be awesome! I guess now would be my only opportunity to invite you, so you should definitely come. Chinese food though, was the highlight of my night. It was amaazing. I got the vegetable fried rice stuff, and it prompted an idea. I'm thinking of becoming a vegetarian. Couldn't hurt to try, especially since I get so queasy at the idea of what I'm eating. Animals are just too anatomically similar to me for me to be totally comfortable with it, haha. But you know me, could be a phase thing. Guess what though? My fortune cookie told me that "Your dearest wish will come true within a month,"  and I was surprised,  because I didn't know the fortune cookies knew you well enough to influence you. Because no matter what I convince myself of in the dark hours of night, when I wake up and see the sun, it's always you I'm left thinking of. And I'm starting to think that's not a bad thing- maybe there's a reason I can't get you out of my head. Wow, that went from light to deeply serious in a really quick sentence. But it's true, you've been on my mind quite often lately, more often than usual (!), thus this letter. And there are no coincidences. So I'm going to let it happen, going to let YOU happen, if you'll let it. Because I miss you, love, and I don't think our business is really finished. And I doubt you do either. My mind is open to possibility... is yours?

Okay, so

I wanted the book "Buddha in Your Backpack" for a reallyyyyy long time now, and I finally bought it last week.
The verdict is in folks, and it's excellent. <3 So, I decided to share some wisdom from it, that I'm going to try to live by.


If it's not true, not beneficial, and not agreeable, don't say it.
Basically, starting a rumor. "She slept with so and so!". It's not true, it does not result in good, and it's mean.

If it's not true, not beneficial, and agreeable, don't say it.
To a bully: "You're such a nice person- you should continue doing what you do." It's nice, but it's false, and it actually probably not only not results in good, but results in bad.


If it's true, not beneficial, and not agreeable, don't say it.
Okay, let's go back to the line "She slept with so and so!" and pretend that she really did. Okay. you aren't lying, but telling it to random people certainly won't result in good, and it's not very nice.


If it's true, not beneficial, and agreeable, don't say it.
WHY do you want to say something that doesn't result in good anyway??

If it's true, beneficial, and disagreeable, know when to say it.
Obviously, people are going to have to know things that aren't necessarily good. But you have to know when they're ready to hear it- or else they won't hear it at all, just resist it.


If it's true, beneficial, and agreeable, know when to say it.
Okay, this one's pretty easy. Most of the time, you'll know when people need to hear something agreeable. Which happens about 100 times more than them being ready to hear something disagreeable. Is that frustrating? Well, yeah. But you have to learn patience with people, because I'm willing to bet it's the same with you.

You know, I think I'll just Babble About Some Recent Goings On.

So, I got the new Taylor Swift CD, and it's been on repeat ever since. Player hate ALL you want, but she's so catchy and so easy to relate to, I can't turn it off. Love, fweeee. <3
(CRYPTIC MESSAGE WARNING)
And YESTERDAY was day #365- happy anniversary to me. If you don't know, you don't need to. But chances are you've heard me carry on anyway. November 10, the day my world flipped AGAIN. Quite a pain. I've had a secret emotional indulgence of writing two letters and leaving them to be found, although I doubt they were found by the right person. It made me feel better? Don't judge, haha. (:
-stop-
(RESUME NORMAL BLOG ACTIVITY)
I've been doing pretty well as far as my songwriting goes, I've spit out a few new songs, including one I'm in the middle of, "Nobody But You". Yes, it's one of my cheesy ones, but not as horribly cheesy as some of the other ones, so I'm proud. These probably aren't going on youtube, because my mother's hinted at some recording time for my christmas present? so fingers crossed, and you all can hear them after that if you'd like.
<3
and as for the lesson of today. most of you know i've been pretty interested in buddhism as a philosophy, no? well i was reading a book on it, and this one thing really stood out to me. don't freak, it's not my usual weird philosophy stuff, it's just common sense. but anyway, it's really cool. i mean, we all have people we don't like, people that we consider our exact opposites. you might think there are people you have nothing in common with. but there's one universal commonality. everyone wants to escape suffering and be happy. everyone. like, everything everyone does is because they want to be happy. even if you do something for someone else, it makes you feel good. this isn't a bad thing, it's just human nature. we don't want to make ourselves miserable. but look. it's common, it's everything. next time you're tempted to say something bad about someone else, just remember. you both have a common goal. you both want to be happy. you just have different ideas of what will get you there. so try not to be so harsh on people- it's definitely something i'm having to work on too.

A Kara Key

Okay, so it's recently come to my attention that I may use a few phrases and words that are so odd that people my not always get what I'm referring to. Thus, this key. Will probably be added to as my slang favorites expand.

Legit- We'll start easy, as this is probably the most common 'strange' word. By no means exclusive to me, I picked this one up last summer and have been addicted ever since. Sometimes elongated to it's full "Legitimate", it's not what it seems. There's a high probability that you know the real definition of this word (as "real, not fake"), but the way I use it basically means cool. Your shoes are so legit, that story was so legitimate. easy.

Du bist ein schloss- you are a castle. it's either an insult or a compliment, use it in context.

My Bubble- it's pink, it sparkles, and it's hypothetical. but it's the barrier that i toss up between me and the person next to me, because i have ISSUES WITH PEOPLE GETTING IN MY PERSONAL SPACE. VIP only. Period, point blank. You will be able to tell if you're violating it, I'll either get fidgety and uncomfortable or just plain pissy.

Peachy- for all technical purposes, this word is SUPPOSED to mean, awesome, perfect. "You know,  how are things going?" "peachy! :) " but since I only use this word when I am in 'high sarcasm' mode, it usually means, well, crap. "you have 50 math problems to do for homework." "...peachy. *rolls eyes*"

Take an adventure- seriously. adventure doesn't mean hijack a car and drive to new york. take an adventure means to go explore something new- like an idea or a place or whatever really. it generally involves a high ammount of creativity.

wombat- not frequently used, but picked up from one of my mother's highschool friends, it's meant to be a devastating insult. usually against cranky, unfair, ignorant people, and generally a feminine term, a male wombat just doesn't sound right. "she gave me detention for no reason! what a WOMBAT!"

lexical gap- i shout this out randomly when I find one. but, if you've read my previous blogs, you'll see this one. it's a phrase for when there should be a word for something, but there isn't.