Thanksgiving

Song: Falling- The Civil Wars.
I WILL COVER THIS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, because it is beautiful. <3  But anyway, it's thanksgiving,  so I'm doing a list. oh, how i love lists. this is an "i'm thankful for" list. which is nowhere near complete, but i am lazy and in Daytona, and so this is what happened. I love you all. <3

These ladies are my heroes. <3 I am so thankful for my choir,
I would not trade it for the whole entire world.

I am thankful for Elsie. (: This is my best friend in the entire world. Whether we are having near death experiences,  or laughing until we cannot breathe, or totally creeping people's backyeards *cough cough*, or dicussing life and boy drama, she's always been there for me. I love her to death, and she is one of the most absolutely beautiful people I know. <3

I am thankful for Bri. This right here is my sister, and we're gonna get married on the same day  and go to California and become famous. We have a little too much fun on all accounts, and think just alike.

 

I am thankful for my mommy. <3 She does so much for me, and teaches me how to be a better person. She's not only my mom, but my friend, and I love her so much.

I am thankful for Kyle. <3 For being the only person in the universe to consistently read my blog, and  for automatically making my day better when he talks to me. Kyle, I'm going to tell you this, because I don't think you believe it: you are one of the single most wonderful people in the universe. You are intelligent, and hilarious. You are fun to be around, a great friend, and so many other things. I can't even tell you how much you mean to me, because you know just about everything about me, and you never judge, and you still look at me the same way. I adore you, and I cannot wait until we get platonically married and move to europe and drive a kia soul with a transformers sticker on the back and adopt turtles and drink hazelnut coffee and play scrabble all the time and you have an affair with the maid, and I have an affair with the pool boy and then we have our own reality tv show. That will be the life. Anyway. Suffice to say that I love you. <3

I'm thankful for ALL of my friends, you know who you are. I'd have to dedicate an entire blog to typing all of you up, but I ADORE you.

I am thankful for Jak. I will be cheesy here, because it is my blog and you can x out if you want. What can I even begin to say about this boy?  He's mine, for starters, and I'm so glad. He's not just my boyfriend, he's my bestfriend. He's the first person I want to tell when something happens, and the last person I want to hear from before I fall asleep.  He has stretched my capacity to love and care for someone infinitely, and changed my outlook on long term relationships. (and those of you who know me, well. you know that's a big deal. ) He's made me believe that, maybe there actually is such a thing as a relationship that can last. I can honestly say that I love him, and I want nothing more than for him to be happy. He's the stars in my night sky, and I'm thankful for everything he does- i'm thankful that he makes me feel beautiful, and reads me dr.seuss on the phone before bed. that he can make me believe that everything will be okay, and that he makes me want to be a better person. i'm grateful to him for teaching me what it means to love someone like a partner, and how it feels to be unconditionally loved. Jak, I love you, and I am beyond a doubt thankful to have you in my life.

Oh, and I'm thankful for Dr.Pepper. Just sayin.

and, i will leave you all with a thaksgiving poem. by e.e.cummings

“thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings;and of the gay
great happening ilimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any - lifted from the no
of all nothing - human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)”

My Christmas/Birthday List... for the next 5 years

SOTW: Bass Down Low- Dev feat. The Cataracts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ql2m68NiW8
i found it on a compilation cd, and i've been blasting it in my little cruiser ever since.

Anyway, it's FINALLY getting cold outside. I for one am equal parts excited and dreading it. My makeup won't melt off anymore... but my feet will probably freeze. Oh well. News, news, news. I have to update everyone~~ I've been so busy with college that I haven't had much time for blogging.
Well, my classes are going fantastically. <3 I made A's on both my first Biology and my first Math tests. My midterm for English is in about 2 hours, so we'll see how that goes... online classes suck. Communications is fantastic, my partner and I are doing our persuasive speech against capital punishment. Previous to this, I had no opinion on it, but I think I am legitimately against it now. Someone should find me and debate it with me, because it's interesting.
Let's see, I got a job scaring the emily dickinson out of people. www.fearthewoods.com ... check it out. and if you're brave enough, come see me? ;D I'm so excited, asdfghjkl.
Things are going fantastically with one act competition. I have to like, talk like a total, like, barbie doll. But it's worth it, cause it's really cool. <3 And and, and and, and and, and and. I'm so lucky to be part of it.
My dear friend Bri had her quinceanera the other day, and I must say, it was fantastic. It was a masquerade, and everyone looked completely gorgeous.  While we were all on the dance floor, I kept thinking that if life had a moment of "happily ever after", that would be it. Everyone was happy, everyone was dancing, and it was beautiful. The interesting thing though, is that there's never a happily ever after. relationships will fall apart to be replaced with new ones, dresses will be grown out of and put away, and in a hundred years, the building will be gone, and everyone at the party will have died. there will be new people, new parties, new moments of perfection. but that's not sad to me... that's beautiful. that's proof that the universe keeps spinning, keeps going. i love it.
So, in honor of the fact that, although it is only september, walmart has got their christmas stuff out, i have made a christmas list, and encourage each of you to do the same. it takes the guesswork out of things. i always have to wonder what i'm getting eveyone, and if they'll like it... except for you kyle, i already know what i'm getting you. ;D but yeah, this is my chirstmas/birthday list (since they're only really 2 months apart) for the next five years.

-A german sheppard puppy. this is number one on my list, i want one so badly. i will love you forever if you get me a german sheppard.

-Donate to this charity
http://www.sunvillage.com.cn/eng/milestone.php

-macbook

nail polish, any color

one of these rings. they're beautiful. <3

dftba hoodie

stuffed octopusss <3

unique belly button rings

starbucks card :D

moccasins. they look so comfyyy

iris scented perfume or candles

awesome hipster coffee mugs

awesome hipster coffee mugs, part 2

magnetic poetry

henna tattoo kit

write me an original story

any ellen hopkins book- excluding crank and identical, which i already own

watercolors :D

-my own star
www.starregistry.com

glowsticks

take awesome pictures and put them in a scrapbook

peacock feather earrings

deathly hallows necklace 

these shoes. just. these shoes.

any book of poetry, especially by rumi, wh auden, or edgar allen poe

polaroid camera

pretty yoga mat 

mix me a cd for my car

there we go, i hope that helped. <3

Reasons Why I Love Blogging

sotw: wonderwall- oasis
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hzrDeceEKc&feature=BFa&list=FLILViEKj7rf7mJey3p0RxaQ&lf=mh_lolz
I love blogging. I love it so much more than trying to write in a diary. And here are my reasons.
1. blogs are never "due". if i'm busy and end up skipping a few weeks, my grade point average doesn't suffer. (: plus, the only one who gets mad at me is kyle.
2. they can double as narrative essays. i had an essay due today that i didn't have time to write, so i went back and combined and edited some of my old blogs, and voila~ brand new essay.
3. i can go back and look at the things i thought. most of the things i mention in my blog are things i wouldn't even remember. but i can read them and laugh at how awesome/bluck they were, and how different things are now.
4. they're public, so you automatically monitor what you say. which means less embarrassing moments. it's not like a diary when you go back and read it and want to shoot yourself because everthing you said was completely moronic.
5. they double as narrative essays. (:
6. they wait on me. i can work on it sporadically for five minutes a day, and then leave it. and it doesn't get mad at me.
7. i can delete them.
8. they double as narrative essays. (:
9. creative outletttt, ftw.
10. THEY DOUBLE AS NARRATICE ESSAYS, YEAHHHHHHHH. :D

it's blog wednesdayyyyy (the first one ever)

and i feel like the song of the day should be called the song of the week, SO, here we go,
sotw: i don't mind- defeater
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1IdKeZU8hs&feature=BFa&list=FLzxayHbZlkcY&index=11
because it's emily dickinson ADORABLE. <3
i had a few ideas for this blog, and i'll get to them, but there's something i kind of want to muse about. and it's this whole relationship thing... everyone knows i suck at it. like, everyone. it's like, i don't think i've ever been in a relationship that lasted over 2 months. and yeah, i'm usually the one who breaks it off. there are a whole bunch of psychological reasons for that, but i don't even want to get into them today. i mean, everyone thinks i'll eventually get over it. hell, even i think that. usually. but i was thinking about it today, and i don't even know how i'm supposed to get married. i'm terrified of it, really. cause i look around and see all these married couples, and you know what? something like 95% of them don't even like each other anymore. they bicker and fuss or ignore each other. they tolerate each other because they're already married. but let me be honest: i don't get the point of that. i do not want to get married to someone just to end up tolerating them later on. what's the point? i can live by myself. or buy a dog or something. and i'd be perfectly happy. i like not having to answer to anyone. i like being home alone and blasting my music or deciding what to watch on tv or cleaning or not cleaning when i feel like it. i like being able to plan my schedule around me and, if i feel like it, just taking off for the weekend to somewhere. maybe in that sense, i'm selfish, but whatever. it's how i am. i just don't see the point in living with someone you don't even like.  it's kinda like, why bother? don't get me wrong, i like human relationships. if my life could be like the notebook and i knew for sure that i was going to love and talk to the person i marry until the day i die, that would be one thing. but it just never seems to work like that. like, the strain of daily life and work and kids takes over. just, ugh. sometimes i want to disappear.
but anyway. enough rambling. on to less depressing subjects.
I MADE ONE ACT.
asdfghjkl, i am so super duper excited. <3 i play a moronic valley girl, and it is much to my chagrin that i can do it so well. XD kevin says he's never gonna talk to me again if i get stuck talking like that like i did with dearly departed... who would have guessed that cultivated southern accents linger? but WHATEVER BRO, you're my bestfriend, you gotta put up with me.
oh, speaking of kevin, he showed me the most awesome movie ever. wristcutters, a love story. which is not nearly as emo as you would think, but is actually adorable and hilarious and well thought out. it's on netflix, if anyone has that.
i also maybe have a job? at a mexican restaurant... the manager person seems to like me, so i'm going to apply and see where that goes. as if i need any more demands on my schedule, buthey. i could use the extra $$$ and it teaches responsibility and such. you know, all that good stuff.
oh, and coolest part of today- weightwatchers is paying off. i can fit into my dress~~~~ oh my god, i'm so excited. i've never been able to get into this dress without squeezing and sucking in, but today i just put it on and zipped up the back. <3 it made my LIFE. (especially due to the fact that i have to wear this particular dress to a disney dance with boyfriend in about 10 days... it's nice that i can get it on without asphyxiating.) but then again, it SUCKS cause we're doing a cheesecake sale in chorus, and i WANT SOME. )): cause it looks delicious. if anyone wants to buy cheesecake or awesome fluffy pretzels, you know where to find me.
so anyway, it's late, and i have a chorus officer poster to make. i might elaborate on some of this tomorrow, but we'll see.

Pablo Neruda,

my new favorite poet. (: this is fantastic.

Don't Go Far Off

Don't go far off, not even for a day, because --  because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long  and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station  when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.  Don't leave me, even for an hour, because  then the little drops of anguish will all run together,  the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift  into me, choking my lost heart.  Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;  may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.  Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,  because in that moment you'll have gone so far  I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,  Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

Not my blog day, so

I don't really have to talk. but this is fascinating, so i'll let it speak for itself.  DFTBA.

way too many subjects, way too late. sorry kyle, iloveyoubestfriend~~~

sotd: living on a highwire- lemonade mouth. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJSnMa7Jzmo&feature=BFa&list=FLzxayHbZlkcY&index=49

because the moral of this movie is that music and art and academics deserve funding just as much as football. which is a theme i completely support. (:

my shift key has had it... at least the one on the left, which is the one i use. the right one's so difficult to get used to, i'm just writing this blog sans capitalization. <3 the occasional symbol's doable, but every few words... nah. alrighty, so, it's been a few days, so there's quite a few things i'd like to discuss. (: therefore, the remainder of this blog will be written in extended list form, starting now:
1. weight watchers and positive mantras- so, i started weight watchers on sunday. which i'm sure i'll be very happy about a few months down the road when i've dropped a clothing size or 2, but right now just reallyyyyyyyyyyyy makes me want a  donut. from dunkin donuts. a pink one. with sprinkles. oh, and some french fries and a dr.pepper. but if i did that, i would not be able to eat for the rest of the week, due to the fact that this combination of food would be roughly 56758765098768057087 points. for those of you who don't know, weight watchers gives you a point value system for food. like, a granola bar is 2 points, a dr.pepper is 11. (at least, a decent sized one). a bean burrito from taco bell is 9. and i have 29 of these points a day to spend on food.

which usually rules out anything that tastes good. barring fruit, i can eat of much of that as i want. which is the only thing that keeps me going.  but i found this mantra-type thing on tumblr the other day, and i keep repeating it to myself in my head: would you rather have pizza or hipbones? cake or a gap between your thighs? sweets or collarbones? soda or a flat stomach?
and i think my personal answer to all of these is obvious. so i bite the bullet and order the water instead of the dr.pepper, or go home and make the gross microwave low fat low carb meal instead of whatever the good stuff is. i mean, in actuality, it is so much better for me, and in the long run, it's gonna be worth it.

2.  arrogant, ignorant, agressive drivers and how they have families that love them, migraines, bad days, and famous american poets as expletives-because i was so completely angry about this situation, and i don't want to use inappropriate language, i'm going to steal from john green and substitute a famous american poet for the not so nice word. <3 (here's the video in which you can find this phenomena: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsVgk9oMyx8) so anyway:

i am beyond edgar allen poe-ing infuriated. i was at the taco bell the other day and, mind you, this day has already been shel silverstein-y from the get go. i was up all night with a migraine, head pounding, vomiting into a nearby trashcan every hour or so, and generally going through what was my own personal ogden nash.  then, i had to sit through a karate class with a bunch of screaming kids (if you don't already know this, migraines are made worse with sound and light). about halfway through, my head can't take it anymore and i go outside. as i sit on the curb massaging my temples,  i see this guy (who's girlfriend likes to be a maya angelou to me because she's... threatened by me, i guess? i don't know) creeping hard. i figure i've already caused enough of an issue to them by the minimal communication i have with this guy(although this is completely illogical, because we literally talk about baseball like once a month or so, but hey, i guess some people aren't secure in their relationships), but i'm still tempted to look up and ask something along the lines of, may i help you?? and finally he goes inside and baby brother justin comes out of karate. i've been put in charge of dinner, so i run through mcdonalds to spend a few of my precious points on a dr.pepper and get a happy meal for justin. he's shouting, still hyper from karate, and i'm trying to quiet him down, and feeling really bad because he keeps asking if it's his fault my head hurts, and etc.etc.. i then go to taco bell for madre, and, upon arrival in THAT drive through, discover my dr.pepper has spilled. which ruins whatever self control i have left at this point. (the lady at the drivethrough looked rather concerned when i started banging my head against the steering wheel). i'm trying to pull out of taco bell and mop up the soda and field justin's questions, when these robert frost-ing guys pull up behind me and start beeping their ralph waldo emerson horn. over my migraine. no, idiotic morons, i will wait until i'm ready to pull out, because there's a truck coming, and no, i don't particularly want to get smashed into. so i finally pull out, and they slide around me. i'm literally screeching at the top of my lungs in frustration by this point. and justin's asking me why i'm screaming, and we pull up to a stoplight, and these carcasses fit for hounds start flipping me off. to which i reply, well f*** you too. and justin was in the back of the car. oh my god. i felt like the worst big sister ever. so i explained that when grownups get very angry, they sometimes say things they really shouldn't say, and i was wrong for doing it, and could he forgive me. thus the new american poet expletives. it's a good thing that chilled me way out though, because these guys proceed to drive 15 miles an hour to eastlake. and everytime there's a turn, they slowed down to 5mph, put on their blinker, and KEPT GOING. i was like, wow, you're cool, pretending to turn. like, if i hadn't slipped up already... it was irritating, but it was also an eye opener. i should have handled it better... they all have someone that loves them too, like a family or friends or girlfriends. or something. (read below article for more on this... it's truly spectacular. even if you don't follow all my links, follow this one.)

http://web.archive.org/web/20080213082423/http://www.marginalia.org/dfw_kenyon_commencement.html

3. freshman-except-not orientation and bad attitudes- so i went to orientation for dual enrollment on friday, and i am SO EXCITED. i feel like i'm going to do really well in these classes, and have a good amount of freedom and graduate close to an associates degree... it's just all very fantastic. orientation, however, was somewhat of an ordeal. no, not because the program itself was frustrating, but because my grandfather came with me. the think you have to know about him is that he's like those awful talk radio people that moan about finance and personal responsibility... times 10. so every time the college people say the word self-discipline, he elbows me... in between scowling at me because i'm causing him to miss the people putting mud in his yard. so, not the most fun.bad attitudes can ruin a day. oh yeah, funny story about this: he shows up at my house and asks me "... you're wearing shorts?" well, yeah, it's hot. but i can understand, maybe you think they're too short, i'm sorry. "...and boots?" oh no. of course i'm not wearing boots. what kind of self respecting person would wear boots? the extra material covering my leg must make me look like an... well, i don't know. prostitute? peasant? IDK.  

4. sailboats- i've wanted to tell you guys about this one for a while, but i never really thought about it. so, here it is. (: When I was in Boston, my friend and I chose to spend some time sitting at the harbor. He's very interested in sailing, so he told me things about all of the boats. Right in front of us was a little red sailboat, and it had two eyes painted on it. I asked about it, and he told me that some people believe that painting eyes on their ships is a reflection on how their ship is a living thing. They give it eyes so it can see. I don't know if there's any fact to that at all, but I found it kind of beautiful. (yeah, i typed that a few days ago, which is why it's capitalized. (: )