I felt like writing you a letter, because I miss you.

Hello Love,
How was your day? Hope it was as wonderful as you are. :) Mine was pretty good, even if I got a 53 on my first Morris Essay... It was expected, so not awful, but a shell shock after being used to 99's and even that one 100 in my Hand Essays. But I'm sure I'll get better at it. It can only help, right? :) It was my first day back at school after the strep stuff, bluck. But rehearsal made it soo much better! Once we all learn our lines well, the show will be awesome! I guess now would be my only opportunity to invite you, so you should definitely come. Chinese food though, was the highlight of my night. It was amaazing. I got the vegetable fried rice stuff, and it prompted an idea. I'm thinking of becoming a vegetarian. Couldn't hurt to try, especially since I get so queasy at the idea of what I'm eating. Animals are just too anatomically similar to me for me to be totally comfortable with it, haha. But you know me, could be a phase thing. Guess what though? My fortune cookie told me that "Your dearest wish will come true within a month,"  and I was surprised,  because I didn't know the fortune cookies knew you well enough to influence you. Because no matter what I convince myself of in the dark hours of night, when I wake up and see the sun, it's always you I'm left thinking of. And I'm starting to think that's not a bad thing- maybe there's a reason I can't get you out of my head. Wow, that went from light to deeply serious in a really quick sentence. But it's true, you've been on my mind quite often lately, more often than usual (!), thus this letter. And there are no coincidences. So I'm going to let it happen, going to let YOU happen, if you'll let it. Because I miss you, love, and I don't think our business is really finished. And I doubt you do either. My mind is open to possibility... is yours?

Okay, so

I wanted the book "Buddha in Your Backpack" for a reallyyyyy long time now, and I finally bought it last week.
The verdict is in folks, and it's excellent. <3 So, I decided to share some wisdom from it, that I'm going to try to live by.


If it's not true, not beneficial, and not agreeable, don't say it.
Basically, starting a rumor. "She slept with so and so!". It's not true, it does not result in good, and it's mean.

If it's not true, not beneficial, and agreeable, don't say it.
To a bully: "You're such a nice person- you should continue doing what you do." It's nice, but it's false, and it actually probably not only not results in good, but results in bad.


If it's true, not beneficial, and not agreeable, don't say it.
Okay, let's go back to the line "She slept with so and so!" and pretend that she really did. Okay. you aren't lying, but telling it to random people certainly won't result in good, and it's not very nice.


If it's true, not beneficial, and agreeable, don't say it.
WHY do you want to say something that doesn't result in good anyway??

If it's true, beneficial, and disagreeable, know when to say it.
Obviously, people are going to have to know things that aren't necessarily good. But you have to know when they're ready to hear it- or else they won't hear it at all, just resist it.


If it's true, beneficial, and agreeable, know when to say it.
Okay, this one's pretty easy. Most of the time, you'll know when people need to hear something agreeable. Which happens about 100 times more than them being ready to hear something disagreeable. Is that frustrating? Well, yeah. But you have to learn patience with people, because I'm willing to bet it's the same with you.

You know, I think I'll just Babble About Some Recent Goings On.

So, I got the new Taylor Swift CD, and it's been on repeat ever since. Player hate ALL you want, but she's so catchy and so easy to relate to, I can't turn it off. Love, fweeee. <3
(CRYPTIC MESSAGE WARNING)
And YESTERDAY was day #365- happy anniversary to me. If you don't know, you don't need to. But chances are you've heard me carry on anyway. November 10, the day my world flipped AGAIN. Quite a pain. I've had a secret emotional indulgence of writing two letters and leaving them to be found, although I doubt they were found by the right person. It made me feel better? Don't judge, haha. (:
-stop-
(RESUME NORMAL BLOG ACTIVITY)
I've been doing pretty well as far as my songwriting goes, I've spit out a few new songs, including one I'm in the middle of, "Nobody But You". Yes, it's one of my cheesy ones, but not as horribly cheesy as some of the other ones, so I'm proud. These probably aren't going on youtube, because my mother's hinted at some recording time for my christmas present? so fingers crossed, and you all can hear them after that if you'd like.
<3
and as for the lesson of today. most of you know i've been pretty interested in buddhism as a philosophy, no? well i was reading a book on it, and this one thing really stood out to me. don't freak, it's not my usual weird philosophy stuff, it's just common sense. but anyway, it's really cool. i mean, we all have people we don't like, people that we consider our exact opposites. you might think there are people you have nothing in common with. but there's one universal commonality. everyone wants to escape suffering and be happy. everyone. like, everything everyone does is because they want to be happy. even if you do something for someone else, it makes you feel good. this isn't a bad thing, it's just human nature. we don't want to make ourselves miserable. but look. it's common, it's everything. next time you're tempted to say something bad about someone else, just remember. you both have a common goal. you both want to be happy. you just have different ideas of what will get you there. so try not to be so harsh on people- it's definitely something i'm having to work on too.

A Kara Key

Okay, so it's recently come to my attention that I may use a few phrases and words that are so odd that people my not always get what I'm referring to. Thus, this key. Will probably be added to as my slang favorites expand.

Legit- We'll start easy, as this is probably the most common 'strange' word. By no means exclusive to me, I picked this one up last summer and have been addicted ever since. Sometimes elongated to it's full "Legitimate", it's not what it seems. There's a high probability that you know the real definition of this word (as "real, not fake"), but the way I use it basically means cool. Your shoes are so legit, that story was so legitimate. easy.

Du bist ein schloss- you are a castle. it's either an insult or a compliment, use it in context.

My Bubble- it's pink, it sparkles, and it's hypothetical. but it's the barrier that i toss up between me and the person next to me, because i have ISSUES WITH PEOPLE GETTING IN MY PERSONAL SPACE. VIP only. Period, point blank. You will be able to tell if you're violating it, I'll either get fidgety and uncomfortable or just plain pissy.

Peachy- for all technical purposes, this word is SUPPOSED to mean, awesome, perfect. "You know,  how are things going?" "peachy! :) " but since I only use this word when I am in 'high sarcasm' mode, it usually means, well, crap. "you have 50 math problems to do for homework." "...peachy. *rolls eyes*"

Take an adventure- seriously. adventure doesn't mean hijack a car and drive to new york. take an adventure means to go explore something new- like an idea or a place or whatever really. it generally involves a high ammount of creativity.

wombat- not frequently used, but picked up from one of my mother's highschool friends, it's meant to be a devastating insult. usually against cranky, unfair, ignorant people, and generally a feminine term, a male wombat just doesn't sound right. "she gave me detention for no reason! what a WOMBAT!"

lexical gap- i shout this out randomly when I find one. but, if you've read my previous blogs, you'll see this one. it's a phrase for when there should be a word for something, but there isn't.

Ego

It's a weird thing to realize, but I think I've finally grasped the notion of the 'ego'- the image of ourselves we have and give to others. With all of the reading I've been doing, I've heard the term alot, but never really understood it- until now. When I was little, I'd always think how I'd want people to see me as this or that- I want to seem philosophical, or free spirited, or a leader, or silly. You know, we all do it. We get so caught up in what we want to be percieved as, we conform our opinions, actions, and thoughts to that image. You spend so much time changing your thought patters to fit this image, that they become real. They become natural, habits; ingrained into our brains. But they aren't who we are- obviously, if we wanted to do the same thing all over again- decide on an image and conform all of our habits to it again- we could. I could decide today, that, because it would make me happier and seem more interesting, I wanted to start acting very mysterious and loner- like. I could tell myself I didn't like people; I could delete my facebook; I could throw my phone away; I could quit all of my activities; I could transfer to another school and wear alot of black and never get close to people and carry around a notebook filled with mysterious poetry. And at first, it would be weird for me, but eventually, it would seem natural. Or I could go the other way. I could decide that I wanted to be cool, and a partier. I could sneak out at night; I could drink alot of alcohol; I could buy a ton of short skirts and stop eating to make myself tiny, thin, more attractive. Again, I'd eventually get used to it. I wouldn't have to think, it would be habit. But, it's an image. One I project to myself and others. Regardless of what I DID with myself, I would still be me. I could change my name, I could dye and cut my hair. I could get plastic surgery, I could get colored contacts, I could change my personality and thoughts entirely- but think about it. I'd still be me. Maybe not recognizeable to you, but I would still be there. We identify with our ego. I can say, my name is Kara. I like to sing, I have blue eyes and brown hair, I live in Georgia. But as we went over, all of that can change. Well, if that's true, then who am I? What makes me me? There isn't an easy answer. There's something inside of us far deeper than what we are in this world. I mean, think about it. Most of the world is empty space anyway. Science tells us that everything is made of atoms. Atoms are made up of particles that whirl around huge, empty space. It's our senses that turn all of this empty space and energy into things we can interpret. The whole world is something we interpret. Even your own body is something your senses tell you is there- we're mostly empty space as well.  We aren't our bodies. Well, fine then, are we our minds? Where do your thougths and feelings come from? Exactly? And to where do they disappear? Well, this still doesn't answer they question. Who am I? What can I claim as me? Well, if we're looking at it this way, everything. You're an awareness, you observe. As my ego, my image, changes, there's still something there observing all of that. It's Being. I know, for those of you who haven't read much, this seems odd and abstract, and almost mythical. I can't really explain it by myself. But it's something I've read alot about and really relate to now. If you're interested on more about this particular subject, I would reccommend Power, Freedom, and Grace by Deepak Chopra. He can really explain it.

evanescent

submitted annonymously
for the purposes of:
provoking thought,
inflaming curiosity
and
affecting emotions.



evanescent
to live without a heartbeat
to touch without feeling
to listen without sound

to see without vision

and the spinning

and the shining

and the flashing

and the flying

is the

starsmoonsunsky

is the

snowraincloudswind

but the reeling

but the running

but the silence

but the shunning

to take a breath without air

to bleed without blood

to burn without fire

to die with a heartbeat.

I'm halfway gone. (writing excersize.)

random scenario off of an online short story idea site. a girl is writing a letter to her boyfriend. she loves him, but they've been getting into huge arguments. explain why.

dear boyfriend or maybe not.
this camel's back is rather close to breaking.
i am rather sick of spending all of my time apologizing, when it doesn't even matter to you. make up your mind- you want to be with me or you don't. i'm so sick of being strung along and snapped at. i understand that maybe you're stressed, but you've been taking it out on me. don't tell me it's okay and then turn around and yell at me for something else. i'm not five years old, and it's not your job to correct my behavior; behavior that isn't even bad. I'm laying this out straight. you said you didn't know if you cared. about me, about us, about this. well, i think you better figure it out, and fast. i'm done with getting my feelings hurt, because you're so obviously embarassed by me or you just can't tolerate the fact that i have an opinion. i love you, and you know it- you can be so sweet, and so smart, and so funny when you want to. you do so many little things- like noticing the color of my eyes, or reassuring me when i get insecure, or offering to come in early to study with me for a hard test, or letting me win little arguments. i can't tell you how much my heart races when i look up and catch you glancing at me, and you give me that embarrassed little half smile and look away, or how special i feel when you give me little sideways compliments. but that's all starting to take a backseat. i feel like all you ever do anymore is nitpick at me and argue with me, and it hurts. it feels like you're telling me that i'm not good enough for you.  the bad times are starting to overpower the good. the staring at the phone, wishing for a text, and yet dreading it, because i know we aren't going to end the evening happy.  i'm done with it, love. I can't handle this. the argument last night was so bad, i didn't even know if we were still dating when i came to school today. but i sucked up my pride. i said i was wrong, i apologized. you said we were fine, and five seconds later proceeded to yell at me for the next sentence ot of my mouth. i can't take this anymore. make up your mind. do it quickly, because i don't want this to be over. i want to stay with you- you're the first one to make me feel something in a long time. but if this is how it's going to be, i'm leaving. if i'm just not good enough for you, i'll let you be so you can find someone who is. i'm sick of dragging this out. if this isn't better soon, i'll have no choice. i love you forever, but i have to respect myself too. if you want me in your life, you're going to have to just find a way to put me there.|
yours,
the girl whos heart you have.